Welcome to Surf School, Where Everyone is Raw AF and Nobody Slept in a Bed Last Night
There's only two types of surfers: braindead fuckheads, and guys who have checking accounts. Now, split up accordingly everyone.
Tag: Confusion
A Young Male Ski Instructor Tries to Organize a Ladies Ski Program
Ladies, seriously? I did not anticipate that your skillsets would change because you did not want to be in a group with "that bitch."
I Accept the Apology I Demanded From You
Now you know, you can't just sweep your problems under the rug and hope I don't build them up into metaphors for my failures as a parent.
An Open Letter to the Friend Who Merely “Liked” My Happy Birthday Post on Facebook
I thought long and hard about what kind of birthday message to send you. Then I waited for what seemed like decades to receive your reply.
Millennials? Who are You People, Anyway?
What is it that makes your group so intractable, yet everybody wants to talk about you? Why is it so hard to figure out how old you people are?
Pros and Cons of Hiring the Guy Outside the Gas Station Holding the “Will Watch Your Kids for Beaf Jerky” Sign
Just because someone had a tough childhood doesn't mean they can't go on to hold a sign at a gas station and do a stellar job watching your kids. Right?
Radically Honest Self-Talk Sparked by “House Hunters” Intros
Will Marcus and Athena find a home to grow into, or will you spend the whole episode oscillating between rage, jealousy, and attraction to Athena?
Quiz: Should You Pretend to Care About the Super Bowl?
The Super Bowl is on the horizon, or so you've been told, and it seems to have importance. Should you sit through this tradition?
Donald Trump’s Patent Application for Liam Neeson’s Monologue from “Taken”
The president needs a a speech you say into a phone, so the bad guy knows, by the end of the movie, he's going to bite it. Big time!
A Non-Partisan Guide to Swinging Both Ways
Have you ever lusted after Bernie Sanders' egalitarian utopia but then felt you were cheating on that copy of Reagan's "City Upon a Hill" speech?
Attention Parker Valley Middle School: I’m Gonna Be a Skater Now
It is with heavy heart that I, Robby Schwartz, wish to announce that I am no longer a punk rocker. I am now a skater; please accept my decision.
A Paranormal Investigator’s Guide to Ghost Hunting on Camera
So you're interested in a career in ghost hunting, huh? You should know that the cameras will capture everything, so acting is important.