Is That Bolognese on Your Chinos, or Are You Bleeding Out in This Banana Republic?
I’m on thin ice with my manager, Trayson, and I can't afford another marinara mishap. Please, my job is on the line here.
Tag: Crime
Wanted Dead or Alive: People Who Took Stuff from a Bodega
And I couldn't help but notice the massive collage of wanted photos in front of your fine establishment. I'm here to hunt these bastards down.
My Client Would Never Rob a “Noodles & Company”
Is it even a crime to steal pasta? Oh right, it is.
The Fundraising Bots Are Planning a Heist
George Clooney here, I’m reaching out as a supporter of the Democratic party. Your time is valuable, so I’ll be blunt. We’re going to rob a casino.
Confession: I Stole the Cookie from the Cookie Jar
The crumbs in my bed sheets, the chocolate smear on my PJs—I don’t know, maybe I wanted to get caught.
Sherlock Holmes, Observational Comic
You ever notice how in Los Angeles the dirt is a brownish-red color, but in New York it’s a reddish-brown color?
An Important Announcement from the Makers of the Big Burlap Sack with a Dollar Sign On It
We take pride in our product. We know that there is no better feeling than tossing a big burlap sack over your shoulder after a big heist.
An Evening at an Exclusive Jazz Club or an Evening Being Interrogated by Guerillas?
In the distance, you hear the echo of someone repeatedly muttering, “Mingus Ah Um.”
Please Stop Doing Crimes in Our CubeSmart
I’ll cut to the chase-Please stop running blackjack tables out of the CubeSmart.
Welcome to the Writing Workshop Where We Don’t Write
Give in to this workshop not by writing, but by taking turns asking for more condiments, plates, and silverware as I stash them in my purse.
Negotiations from a Hostage Negotiator Who Clearly Has Some Stuff Going On at Home
How many of the hostages are in relationships? 12? Do they seem like they’re happy?
Phishing Scams That Would Work On Me
YOU FORGOT MOM’S BIRTHDAY! IT’S TODAY! BUY HER A PRESENT HERE NOW!