My Illustrious Time in a Maximum Security Prison (Thus Far)
In just three days in prison I've learned so much, made and lost friends, gained literal and emotional scars, and grown as a person. These next 728 days should be a breeze.
Tag: Crime
The Week I Decided to Get Tough on the (Mostly Ecological) Crimes Being Committed in My 4th Floor Loft
The Occupant begins his own thorough cleaning of his apartment. Girlfriend refuses to help, instead deciding to go to the Farmer’s Market and then to a yoga class.
Guy Fieri’s Forensic Files
Hi, everybody. I’m Guy Fieri, and we’re rollin’ out, lookin’ for America’s greatest solved murders.
The Annoying Realities of Being Robbed
However it plays out, someone will target you, steal from you, and leave you angrier than you’ve ever felt in your life.
Kids These Days: Can We Go Back to Non-Murdery Anger and Revenge Techniques?
Kids need to learn that the old school tactics of not killing a person, but killing their will to live, is much safer and rewarding.
I Tested How Realistic Clue Is by Killing Six People in a Mansion
To test how realistic the mysterious Clue is, I killed six different people, each with a different weapon, in various rooms of an old gilded age mansion I rented.
6 Death Penalty Methods for Capital Punishment Traditionalists
Whatever happened to boiling people in oil? Or the guillotine, or hot lead, or stoning people? Now you have to go to Saudi Arabia for good old-fashioned executions.
The 7 Most Annoying Types of 911 Callers
I am one of the sometimes disillusioned yet endlessly friendly 911 dispatchers, and I am here to share some highlights of the people wasting your tax dollars.
Your Pet May Be Trying to Kill You
As pet owners, we like to think that our dog or cat loves us as much as we love them. But sometimes the reality of the situation is, your pet would rather eliminate you.
The Third Cop in the Good Cop, Bad Cop Routine
Any knuckle-headed crook worth his weight in salt knows better than to fall for the classic good cop/bad cop routine. That's when I come in: tired, horny cop.
What’s That Noise Outside? I Should Have Bought a Gun
I should have been a gun guy, or even a gunsmith. I could have made hundreds of them and stored them all over my house. Why did I become an accountant?
Last Ditch Ways to Talk Yourself Out of Being Arrested
There are many ways to get arrested, but he real art happens once the handcuffs are on. Here are some last ditch efforts that may get you out of a tight bind.