So You’re About to See Someone Get Stabbed
In the unlikely but entirely plausible event that you’re about to witness a possible murder go down like Chinatown, here are three important things to remember.
Tag: Crime
My First Time Shoplifting
I once finished out the second half of a soccer tournament in a stolen thong from Target. I'd never stolen anything in my life—anything with a price tag, that is.
The Complete Lunatic’s Guide to Cheap and Illegal Alcohol
It has been brought to my attention that sometimes people get sober. Mostly because they don't have enough money or brain cells left to take drinking to the next level.
How to Know If Danger is Near
Be on the lookout for these five indicators of danger and you'll soon be sweating ancient Chinese wisdom and fortune... or at the very least have a less painful life.
10 Greeting Cards That Say “I Stalk You”
Outside: Just a little card to say "I'm thinking of you" / Inside: I would tell you in person, but the restraining order puts me out of earshot.
U.S. Begins Hunt for Twin Towers Following bin Laden Death
Moments after announcing that American soliders had killed Osama bin Laden, President Barack Obama vowed to begin the search for the missing Twin Towers of the World Trade Center.
A Burglar’s Guide to Break-In Etiquette
How many times have you barbarously bashed a window when you could've courteously climbed through it? Here are 5 crucial tips for transitioning from careless klepto to cordial crook.
Grizzly Murder: Sarah Palin Killed My Dog
Sarah Palin murdered a 9-year-old girl in Arizona the other day. It'’s true. I read it on CNN. Her death is a tragedy and Grizzly Mama is very clearly evil.
I Wanna Be a Vice Cop
<p><img src="/files/u3807/pic-1.jpg" alt="" width="200" height="170" align="right" />Police work is a profession that the great majority of us wouldn’t even consider for a million bucks a year—let alone the 28 grand it actually pays at the outset. Face off with criminals on a street corner with the rules of engagement clearly favoring the lawbreakers?
A Brief History of Phenomenally Unsuccessful Prison Gangs
Prevailing wisdom holds that joining a gang will provide protection to an inmate. But not always. This list offers an insight into the failures of incarcerated organized crime.
How to Rob a House
An unedited article submission tackling another illegal profession: robbery. Don't read too closely, for you'll likely need a lot more instruction before making this a career.
Your Jackass Friends Rob a Bank
Your jackass friends have gone too far this time. Their parents cut them off, and and they refuse to find regular jobs, so after a quick pow-wow at the bar, they decide to rob a bank. Let's see what happens...