A Hard-Boiled Detective Gets to the Bottom of Those Creepy Delivery Confirmation Photos
Just then my pocket horn dinged: a strange photograph of my office front door. No wonder Lorna’s under-dainties were in a bunch.
Tag: Crime
I, The Riddler, Can No Longer Afford to Make Costly, Multi-Step Riddles to Torment You
You have family wealth and a car that turns into a plane, whereas I am $73,000 in debt with a degree in Applied Puzzles from Gotham University.
I’ve Committed the Perfect Murder!
The final, most difficult step of my plan: don't act like a total creepy freak in front of other people all the time ever again.
On Second Thought, Swallowing My Car Keys to Avoid Getting Carjacked Was Probably a Bad Idea
There's no way I'm going to pass the anchor-shaped keychain I got from my beach trip.
A Guide to Avoid Being Mugged for Dummies
Keep all your pockets slick with oil. You can humiliate them further by saying, "What's the matter bud? Can't get a grip?"
Think You Got What It Takes to Join Our Gang, the Crabapple Boys?!
WHAT WE’RE LOOKIN’ FOR… YOU: - Enjoy tippin’ over hot dog carts for craps n’ giggles - Like puttin’ pennies on train tracks and watching ‘em smoosh
Five Tips for Being Locked in a Trunk
I’ve been locked in a trunk so many times I’m startin’ to think I’m a set of jumper cables!
When We Get Married, I Want to Take Your Last Name, Along with Your First Name, Middle Name, Social Security Number, and Dental Impressions
My mom took my dad's name—and fingerprints, and mustache, and a high-resolution scan of his face with a state-of-the-art LIDAR device.
I’m a Lawyer, So No, You’re Not Allowed to Criticize Me for Defending Child Slavery
While I try to have a thick skin about all this, I must admit it’s pretty disturbing when I hear a critic imply that I’m in some way morally culpable for the clients I choose.
Excerpts from “Maynard McClelland, Bathroom Detective”
The toilet was pristine. I placed the back of my hand on the porcelain. Cool to the touch.
The Sleepytime Tea Bear Reports a Robbery
The criminals must have also found it easy to sneak around me, due to the rug, and fireplace, and radio.
If This Is a Scam Email, Why Am I Running for Congress as a Democrat?
FirstName, I am appalled at how my Republican opponent, Landsley Thornbeck, has been representing Name of State.