How to Parallel Park While Barely Clinging to Your Masculinity
Would you look at that… So typical of a Lexus to take up as much room as humanly possible. Total road hog.
Tag: Crime
Fellow Mobsters, I Am Changing My Email Address—but Not Because I Am Going into Witness Protection
I am going into hiding. Do not approach me or say anything that could incriminate me in other crimes, especially new ones.
You All Know Nothing About My Perfectly Normal Relationship!
Well, I bet you all felt pretty stupid a month later when we got divorced. You all are just wrong time after time.
As the Escaped Felon Hiding in Your Attic, I’m Deeply Concerned About Your Marriage
I was awoken by the sounds of you two screaming at each other. People make less noise being shanked in the shower.
A Hard-Boiled Detective Gets to the Bottom of Those Creepy Delivery Confirmation Photos
Just then my pocket horn dinged: a strange photograph of my office front door. No wonder Lorna’s under-dainties were in a bunch.
I, The Riddler, Can No Longer Afford to Make Costly, Multi-Step Riddles to Torment You
You have family wealth and a car that turns into a plane, whereas I am $73,000 in debt with a degree in Applied Puzzles from Gotham University.
I’ve Committed the Perfect Murder!
The final, most difficult step of my plan: don't act like a total creepy freak in front of other people all the time ever again.
On Second Thought, Swallowing My Car Keys to Avoid Getting Carjacked Was Probably a Bad Idea
There's no way I'm going to pass the anchor-shaped keychain I got from my beach trip.
A Guide to Avoid Being Mugged for Dummies
Keep all your pockets slick with oil. You can humiliate them further by saying, "What's the matter bud? Can't get a grip?"
Think You Got What It Takes to Join Our Gang, the Crabapple Boys?!
WHAT WE’RE LOOKIN’ FOR… YOU: - Enjoy tippin’ over hot dog carts for craps n’ giggles - Like puttin’ pennies on train tracks and watching ‘em smoosh
Five Tips for Being Locked in a Trunk
I’ve been locked in a trunk so many times I’m startin’ to think I’m a set of jumper cables!
When We Get Married, I Want to Take Your Last Name, Along with Your First Name, Middle Name, Social Security Number, and Dental Impressions
My mom took my dad's name—and fingerprints, and mustache, and a high-resolution scan of his face with a state-of-the-art LIDAR device.