Impostor Syndrome at the Space Olympics
You are supposed to be here no matter what the Space Squids wrote on your locker in 4-dimensional ink that you had to get a Helper-Droid to translate.
Tag: Death
Lines from “The Bell Jar” or My 7th Grade Diary?
“I’m absolutely sure that I’ve never cried this much in my entire life.” / “The day I went into physics class it was death.”
My Summer Internship Working for Dr. Mercurius Krunth, Mad Scientist
TIME Magazine once called Dr. Krunth, “a man mad enough to think himself a God while doing the work of the Devil.” All summer I would call him “boss.”
Please Stop Using Me, A Polar Bear, As the Poster Child for Climate Change
I wanted to send an official cease and desist but my lawyer melted in 2016 so now I have to speak for myself.
Dead Rock Star Bingo
"I can’t even remember a time in my life when I did not love [dead rock star]." / "Shocked and saddened..."
New Words for Complex Emotions in the Age of Trump
Quitticisim (kwit-??siz?m): The paralyzing decision to either delete or refresh Twitter every thirty seconds.
Recently Discovered Letters: USPS Collection Notices to Eminem’s Stalker “Stan”
Truth is, all of us at USPS are trying to reach you/Because you checked off premium shipping without paying for that feature.
Harry Potter’s Grief Letter to Dumbledore
I cannot forgive you for making me spend what would have been my final year at Hogwarts shitting in the woods.
Out-of-the-Box Ideas for Combatting Climate Change Since We’re Probably Doomed Anyway
Flood solution? Plastic bags. Let’s collect them all and combine them into one giant, country-crossing, water-catching, plastic bag.
Twitter’s New Color-Coded Guide to Trending Celebrities
Red and White – Said or did something stupid but not necessarily evil. Named their baby after their foot massager.
Sorry Ma’am, the Apocalypse Is on a Very Tight Schedule
Ma’am, you’ll have to speak up. War is really gearing up for tomorrow’s grand finale, and his machines are pretty loud.
Godzilla vs. Empty Nest Syndrome
Minilla plods off, leaving Monster Island by himself. Godzilla chokes back his atomic ray as he remembers the first time he laid eyes on him.