Death | Page 30 | Points in Case

Tag: Death

Mickey, it might be the time to dust off those wizard skills and bring your friend back to life.

While our aesthetic up until about mid-2016 was "cozy cabin," our current aesthetic is more like "amicably abandoned sanitarium."

2. You thought your invitation to Megan’s bridal shower was coming, only to see two other women just Insta'd photos from the shower. What do you do?

I know you’re here because you read that Vice article that said our hedge fund is like the Wolf of Wall Street but with actual wolves. That’s true.

Are you the kind of person who carries a casket with a skip in their step? Have you shown enthusiasm for embalming roadkill since a young age?

Einstein was a Ponytail Palm that my sister got me. Like the Einstein from Science, this Ponytail Palm had an eccentric intelligence, but no grace.

Make sure the infrastructure of your city is unintuitive and inadequate. Traffic will increase the ennui of your citizens.

Do not assemble in a wet location. Do not assemble at altitudes lower than two thousand (2000) miles below sea level. Do not assemble in a sea.

We reserve the right to reserve the very best table at the most expensive restaurant in your surrounding area and to charge it to your credit card.

As a result of that whole "free will" blunder, any direct divine intervention is off the table. We did, however, agree to a compromise arrangement.

What if I get a new pair and instead of being bitchin’ as hell, they are just bitchin’? Or worse: not bitchin’ at all.

I’d be willing to bet it takes dozens of muscles in the arms, legs, and torso to lift this soda machine off of my shattered body.