Is This Blockchain?
Is blockchain when you’re constipated because you ate too many quarters? Is blockchain a European architectural trend?
Tag: Death
5 Surefire Ways to Get Elton John to Come to Your Open-Casket Funeral
Write “Elton” on your left hand and “John” on your right hand, zoom in, and make it look like Elton John himself is removing your space helmet.
I Know, I Know, I’m the Last Roman in the Republic Who Hasn’t Seen the New Gladiator Show
Hark, I get it. Carpophorus is reinventing the very genre of public violence. I just don’t have time to get into the King of Beasts right now, okay?
A List of Pastoral Poems Written by Historically Famous Political Pundits
Aristotle: “Man, when perfected, is the best of animals,/ but when separated from poppies and almond trees, he is the worst of all.”
How to Not Kill Your Orchid, Again
Run circles around your orchid while making “buzzzzzz” sounds. An aroused orchid is an alive orchid.
Games of Clones
Game of Phones: Follows House Phonecians, that reject the Talk, Text, and Data and popularize an "Unlimited Plan" beyond The Wall.
The Trolley Problem, Interpreted by Notable Film Directors
Peter Jackson: The trolley problem is needlessly split into three separate trolley problems.
Even If We Ban Guns, Someone Would Invent a Machine With a Different Name That Does the Same Thing
The liberals, they're wrong, we can't ban guns. Even if we made guns illegal, someone would reinvent guns and just call them something else.
Psych Test for First Order Applicants
Do you purposefully find buttons in hopes that pressing one could destroy a planet or star system? A. Yes B. No C. What are buttons
The Official NRA Guide to Cyberbullying Teenagers
The only thing that stops a bad kid with a dream is a good fully grown adult with a Twitter account. Please heed these social media tips.
“It’s Only a Funeral” Dating Service
How awful is it to find someone you think is perfect, only to have them flake out the first time you encounter a tragedy?
Feedback on the “Wild’n’Wholesome” Meal Delivery Service
This week’s tarantula would have proven less challenging if we had found it straight away, rather than four hours later during Tina’s sleepover.