The Everyday Life of a Young Male Novelist
Once dressed, I sit at my desk and say a quick prayer to Dionysus. Then I take hold of the mighty pen and let his spirit take hold of my body.
Tag: Death
Why Working at the Hotel from “The Shining” was the Best Job I Ever Had
If room 237 needed to be checked-in on (as it always seemed to) but I wasn't really feelin' it, I just wouldn’t do it, and nobody ever got mad.
Martha Stewart’s Perfect Mouse Trap Bait Recipe
You want something with a decidedly pleasing aroma and subtle flavors sure to attract the attention of your average mouse.
Customer Review: Product Blew Up Grandmother
I noticed that when my grandmother powered on her MXB39FLB7 it made a series of uncharacteristic clicking sounds prior to her detonation.
Death Stars Must Be Legalized for Private Ownership
My name is Krazzed Dumm'fuk, proud member of the Galactic Blaster Rifle Association. We must fight to lift the ban on private Death Star ownership.
Leaked Notes From Two Friday the 13th Producers Discussing a Sequel
Two producers of 1980's Friday the 13th brainstorm the future of their horror franchise, though the path forward isn't as obvious as you'd think.
The New York Times Reports That a Meteor Will Destroy Earth in Two Days—Don’t Believe It
According to the NYT, scientists predict that a 30-mile-wide meteor is hurtling toward Earth and will destroy all life in two days. Here's why you should be skeptical.
Wanted: Young, Female Assistant for Totally Normal Stuff
While there are many Craigslist jobs out there, this one is unique because it pays well and guarantees you will not be bludgeoned to death during a pagan sacrifice.
9 Fun and Local-Approved Things To Do in Seattle When You’re in Town for Your Uncle’s Funeral
Yes, your uncle is dead. But Seattle is an amazing city and you WILL NOT let a perfectly good couple of days away from the office and kids be ruined by a lousy funeral.
I Feel Like I Didn’t Really Take Advantage of Tom Petty as Much as I Should Have While He Was Still Alive
Here we are, only weeks into the part of my life when I remembered who Tom Petty was, and he was taken from me. Or should I say, that I was taken from him.
Let’s Not Make a Big Deal Out of My Viking Funeral Pyre
Less is more, I always said. If you can’t find a fjord in New Jersey, better apply for an ocean permit ASAP so we can have the ceremony at Brigantine Beach.
How Silent Films Taught Me to Be a Better Lover
My girlfriend Mary Lou always told me to stop twirling my mustache and tying her to train tracks, but I never really took it seriously, you know?