Disasters

Tag: Disasters

Our nuclear plant is verging on meltdown, and the key to stability lies in our vital AWS EC2 instance managed by former employee Ethan Reynolds.

Will it scrape along a Toyota Camry, taking off seven inches of paint and cost the owner hundreds of dollars?

You dumb pee stained ice cube, do you understand how embarrassing it is to be sunk on your maiden voyage?

Say… you there, clinging to the railing for dear life: would you like to hear some facts about jazz?

Pop open a bottle today. It’s guaranteed to take your mind off the waterspout that’s currently ripping the roof off your neighbor’s house.

The alert system will be preceded by two sharp tones — "Hey! HEY!" — followed by "Listen, Buster."

During my second dinner, Francis told me that we needed to “ration our food better.” I was so taken aback by this.

Now would be a good time to use the restroom. You should also gather your family and pets and turn off any stove burners.

It's a dog park, not Jurassic Park. Find somewhere else for your infernal Dogasaurus rex to run amok.

Baby wearing is very in right now. You can do the dishes, vacuum, or paddle a lifeboat out of your flooded neighborhood.

Item Removal Charge: 660 million expired, room temperature vaccine doses. Attached note: “SEND BACK. Already had virus!”

Count down from 10 to 9. "Please don’t be mad, I know you’re going to say, ‘I know how to count down to zero and explode,' and I know you do baby.