Miss Tabitha’s Phone Sex and Nuclear Apocalypse Preparation Hotline
I'm wearing a transparent red teddy while I fondle myself to thoughts of your survival preparations. That’s because I'm outside of the fallout zone.
Tag: Disasters
5 Halloween Costumes That Say “I’m Fun, and Not Gonna Accidentally Start a Fire This Year”
This year you need to wear a costume that shows off your fun-loving personality while also assuring everyone you won't accidentally set an antique table on fire again.
If Humans and Animals (Excluding Reptiles) All Worked Together, We Could Really Crush Our Enemies the Reptiles
Though amphibians aren't really reptiles, I've lumped them in because there doesn't seem to be a discernible difference at a glance, so they might as well just be reptiles.
Please Donate to Hurricane Maria Victims, And While You’re at It, Throw a Couple Bucks at My Kickstarter
Please take a moment to donate to Hurricane Irma relief, and while you're at it, throw a couple bucks at the Kickstarter for my Flappy Bird-meets-Candy Crush app "Clint the Climber."
Existential Thoughts of a Giant Whose Fingernail is the Resting Place of an Entire Universe
Every day I put off cutting my nail only means that when I inevitably do, the annihilation of whole universes will be that much more substantial.
Help! I’m Stuck in a Thirst Trap and I Can’t Get Out!
Dad?! What are you doing down here? Clara Robertson's picture? Ew, Dad, that's my old classmate, why do you even follow her on Instagram?
Tragedies are Everywhere, and They’re Coming for Your Loved Ones
We see them on television, and we hear about them from our friends who got updated about them on Facebook--which, at this point, may as well just be called MyTragedyUpdate.com.
The Volcano That LSD Built
After a 20-hour plus binge of cocaine, MDMA, and nitrous, I took a drop of acid. And right there and then I decided that I would build an active volcano on the British Isle.
The 4 Most Likely Theories Explaining the Missing Malaysia Flight 370
Could this be a hijacking of both a plane and the American public to try to teach them something about geography? Somebody get Nance Grace on this.
Japanese Tsunami Garbage Includes Refugees
The Texas-sized mass of garbage from the Japanese tsunami slowly approaching California does indeed house over 8,000 refugees in the newly discovered central "city" amid the muck.
No, I Can’t Talk, I’m IN A HURRICANE
When you're dealing with scary weather, it's comforting to know that the school has a stoned grad school student or two checking the weather report every now and then and sending out unhelpful emails.
Big Huge Horrible Tragedy
<p>If you've been paying attention to your friends' FaceBook walls, you know that there's been some pretty sad stuff going around. First, an earthquake in Japan. Then a tsunami. Afterwards, a volcano. On top of that, a nuclear effing meltdown happened in the Land of the Rising Sun. Absolutely terrible and thousands are dead while even more are without homes. </p>