If Rick Allen Can Drum for Def Leppard with One Arm, Then Surely I Can Install This Backsplash
A poorly installed backsplash could actually DECREASE the value of my home, but did Rick Allen hire some “licensed professional” to do his drumming?
Tag: Doctors
The Three Little Pigs During Coronavirus
The first little pig went to a boardwalk bar, met up with single pigs, and thought masks were for tree-hugging liberals and was a Democratic hoax.
Pill Bottle Instructions for Unhinged Protagonist
DIRECTIONS: Take 2 tablets directly from bottle, and 3rd that spilled on rug. Take irregularly and at moments of peak stress.
Revealed: A Therapist’s Notes after Meeting with Jesus
His dad is not here, but he says his dad is everywhere (denial?) / Continues to worry because he knows he's gonna die…. ok ok
Car and Driver’s Top Five Heart Surgeons
No one does a mitral valve repair like Dr. F. He's brash, unpredictable, and thrives in the plush leather interior of the circulatory system.
The Six Differences between Andre the Giant and Louis Pasteur
Andre The Giant contributed significantly less to the collective knowledge of germ theory.
Which Unqualified Doctor Said It? Pandemic Edition
"The virus's signature blend of 23 flavors is truly unique, which is why it was clearly made in a Chinese military lab." -Dr. Pepper
Update to the Henchman Health and Benefits Plan
Gold Plus-tier now has copay-free pharmaceuticals to treat any gases or poisons accidentally released from the many easily accessible air vents.
How to Tell if You’re Having Coronavirus Symptoms or Simple Ketamine Withdrawal
In these trying times, it may be harder than ever to tell exactly why you feel like total shit when you wake up in the morning.
Relax, I Was Only Hospitalized Because My Bookie’s Hired Goon Shot Me Three Times
I was not leaving my house, both to avoid getting infected with COVID-19 and to avoid running into Joey “Iron Fists” Cachatolli.
Help! My Head Is Being Consumed by an Octopus, But the CDC Says I Can’t Touch My Face
I’d ask someone to save me from this giant octopus, but how do I know their hands aren’t contaminated?
An Open Letter to the CDC about the Coronavirus Which Is Spreading in My Office, I’m Just Sure of It
He says he got a "nasty case of sunburn" from his "trip to Hawaii," but I'm no idiot. I can tell that he too is suffering from coronavirus