Is My Dog Spanky a Good Boy, or a Foot Soldier for the Patriarchy?
He gets excited when I feed him, but seems lukewarm when I reach important academic milestones or make advancements in my career.
Tag: Dogs
Pretending to Be a Dad so Other Parents Don’t Get Jealous of Your Baller Childless Lifestyle
Delete all the photos on your social media that indicate you ever had a life before children. Replace them with a solid wall of photos of your kids.
14 Steps to Enter My Instagram Giveaway
I'm giving away the chance to enter a drawing for a trip for one to one of the most romantic destinations in the world: Calgary!
My Eulogy as Delivered by My Targeted Ads
Judging by how few followers he had, I probably knew him best.
10 Reasons Why Dog Owners in Seattle Made Me Hate Dogs
It’s a street fair, not a dog park. Your unpredictable canine is not having fun and neither am I. You can’t be apart for one hour? Seek therapy.
Move Over Avocado, It’s the Durian Fruit’s Time to Shine
The Durian fruit is the record-holding “smelliest fruit in the world." Now you tell me, what records does the avocado hold? That’s right, none.
If Google is Serious About Regaining Our Trust, It Must Start by Offering Alternative Ways to Torture the Small Yellow Man in Google Maps
The Google Maps user demands options, from dangling the man above a pack of wild dogs, to launching him across the Bering Strait in a slingshot.
The 23 Stages of Seeing a Cute Dog in the Park
Lower self entirely to ground. Pick cute dog up overhead (regardless of size). Exclaim over cute dog’s cuteness. Take 3 to 25 pictures of cute dog.
Confessions of Clark: Excerpts from the Diary of a Middle-Aged Superman
Lois has been distant ever since we found out my sperm could kill her. She keeps making snide comments about how Batman wouldn't have this problem.
A Slate of Upcoming Films From the Producers Who Brought You “Long Shot”
When Allisyn awakens in his bedroom filled with Reservoir Dogs posters and empty Gatorade bottles, she’s charmed. Starring Gal Gadot and Seth Rogen.
I Call My Neighbor Gummo the Spy
Then right on cue, the whole complex became a mashup of Duck Soup: Mrs. Tyndale burst out of her door singing what sounded like some sort of aria.
It’s Me, the Dog at the Foot of Your Bed, and I’d Love to Get In On That Sex You’re Having
I am DIGGING the sounds and stinks coming from you two and am very excited to join in! I’ve been wagging my tail so hard it’s giving me a rug burn.