The Vacuum Scares My Dog, and Damnit It Scares Me Too
I think it’s the two “U’s” when I type "vacuum" that turns my knuckles white and makes the hairs on my hands stand up. Oh, and the noise.
Tag: Dogs
The Requisite Horror of De-Balling My Dog
Employing a more acceptable word like "neuter" would not alter the graphic significance of such a canine procedure, at least to any human male.
I Put the Fear of God into My Dog
I don't just look at my dog with fury because that would be cliché; rather, I tend to give her a sad, betrayed look, with a hint of intense bloody vengeance.
The Sheepdog and the Bathroom Disaster
Way back in the day, my buddy Chenz wanted me to hook up with this girl with huge cans named Kiara. It turns out we both liked boozing and screwing, so things looked pretty good.
Copdog, M.D.: The Greatest TV Show Ever (on CBS)
Imagine if you can, a wolf-husky hybrid with different colored eyes , who is the lead murder detective in his state, and who moonlights as the top diagnostician in the nation.
Smoking Doobies with My Doggy
I've finally made a decision: the first drug I'm going to try is weed, and my first partner in crime is going to be my dog, because the conversation is going to be amazing.
My Adopted Dog is Totally Neurotic
There are two things keeping my boxer Tessa and I from having that perfect fairytale family. One: she is neurotic, and two: I'm a horrible dog-mommy.
It’s Not You, It’s Your Dog
We've been together for a year, but I can't do this anymore. Not only do I hate your retarded dog, I hate you for subjecting me to it, under the guise that he would somehow improve.
Grizzly Murder: Sarah Palin Killed My Dog
Sarah Palin murdered a 9-year-old girl in Arizona the other day. It'’s true. I read it on CNN. Her death is a tragedy and Grizzly Mama is very clearly evil.
5 Ways to Tell If Your Dog is a Communist
We all love our dogs. But there is a very real and frightening issue of the growing communist threat. Here are five ways to tell if your dog is a Pinko.
Why Don’t Mirrors Blow My Dog’s Fuckin’ Mind?
<p>Today, I thought I was doing my dog a favor, that favor being blowing her fuckin' mind, man. But when I held up a big mirror to her today, she reacted as if I told her (or anyone) that Mark McGuire admitted using steroids.</p><p>She was a stone cold bitch, and while I like that in women, I don't in dogs. </p>
Cat vs. Dog Owners: A Scientific Analysis
One of the questions that has been around since the beginning of time--or at the very least, PetSmart--is whether a person prefers either dogs or cats as a pet.