You Won’t Need Healthcare for Long, Trust Me
No sense in paying all this money for Obamacare when the end is near. Expensive, too expensive, when we're all going to die anyway. You should love the AHCA.
Tag: Donald Trump
Fat Pieces of Shit are Making Us Fatties Look Bad
Dear Donald Trump and other fat pieces of shit. You're making the rest of us fatties look bad. Stop it.
Spicing Things Up: 8 Things I Want to See in “Sean Spicer: Season 2”
Sean Spicer's job as White House Press Secretary relies heavily on his ratings, so I've come up with a few ideas to ensure that he has an amazing second season.
America Needs a Revolution But Preferably Not One That Inconveniences My Comfortable Lifestyle
The world is watching us, waiting... But can we respond tomorrow, maybe? I'm kind of tired tonight. I worked till like 6pm today and the season finale of "Ladies of London" is on.
You’d Play Golf Too If You Were Trying to Ignore the Suffering of Millions of People
Get lots of bad press for golf, bad, but you’d spend most of your time golfing too if you were trying to distract yourself from everyone’s problems.
I Don’t Know Much About Media Manipulation, All I Know is That Donald Trump’s Cameo in “Home Alone 2” is So Freakin’ Funny
Trumps cameo in Home Alone 2: Lost in New York may only be three seconds, but its gut-bustingly laugh-larious. Seriously, its that funny.
Can Trump Stop Dominating the News So I Can Finally Do My Segment on Guinea Pigs? By John Oliver
I didn't come all the way from England and finally get my own HBO program only to rant about an orange devil destroying our planet each week. I came to talk about guinea pigs.
Rex Tillerson’s Honey-Do List from His Wife, Renda
It’s tough going from the head honcho to being a number 2. What do I always say? “If you don’t punch the hog in the nose he’ll make complex international decisions without you.”
We Must Investigate How SNL Has Me on the Show Every Week Even Though I’m Not in the Studio
I watch SNL and I see me in every episode, but I wasn’t on the show recently. Haven’t in a long time, I’m not in the studio. So why do I see myself on the screen week after week after week?
Honey Boo Boo’s White House Intern Application
Like you, Mr. President, I'll do whatever it takes to win. Have you seen the footage of my landslide victory at the watermelon eating contest?
White House Announces Grand Opening of Camp Trump
Do you feel out of step with the rest of the country? Are you still clinging to those liberal values of human rights and free speech? We can help!
The Only Trustworthy News Sources Are the Post-Its Steve Bannon Leaves Me
Those little yellow stickies are the only place you can trust for good news. Well I mean “good” like “real,” because sometimes the news, it isn't so good.