I am the Backwards Fitted Cap, And I Want Closure
I sit in your closet collecting dust, regretting that my only purpose was to fit your head and no one else's. What ever happened to loyalty?
Tag: Douchebags
I Went to Asia for 3 Weeks and Here’s What I’m Doing Back in the States to Make Sure Everyone Knows I Went to Asia for 3 Weeks
Recently I have reactivated my Instagram account to post pictures with #worldtraveler, #nomad and, most importantly, "not a bad view for a Monday."
Suggested Responses When Someone Thanks You for Holding the Door at a Convenience Store
Responding to someone's "thank you" with a "you're welcome" that's tailored to a particular individual? That's the essence of humanity.
After Watching One Episode of “The Great British Baking Show,” I’m Ready to Judge the Break Room Bakes
Janet, your Rice Krispie Treats are a bit basic if I'm being honest. Still, it's a delightful biscuit that everyone in accounting should be proud of.
End of Year Top 5 Lists By Every Annoying White Guy on Your Facebook Feed
Hey Facebook! I know no one asked for this and none of you care... but I'm self-centered and annoying so get ready for my must-miss lists!
The 3 Social Media Posts You’ll See on Your Feed Right After the Holidays
Get ready for that not-so-candid "candid" photo by the Christmas tree of the bride-to-be looking up at her 2-inch-taller groom like he's on a ladder.
Just Because I’m a Little Drunk and Homeless Doesn’t Mean I Can’t Berate This Pile of Garbage
Hey you, filthy nasty Garbage. I feel like we got off to on the wrong foot, but let's get back on track: you'll never amount to anything.
9 Christmas Movies for the Whole Family (Updated to Reflect the Latest Hollywood Scandals)
Check out these classic movies to watch with your family this Christmas! (Unfortunately, recent Hollywood scandals have forced us to update this list.)
I’m Sorry for Ruining the Big Fishing Trip
I'm sorry I kept going to the helm and telling the Captain, "I'm the Captain now." However, if everyone had backed up my mutiny, the trip would have been fine.
Why You Should Listen to More Rap Music
Feeling sad? Self-esteem finally bottomed out? Skip the Zoloft and go with today's leading anti-depressant regimen: rap music.
5 Signs Your Subpar Boyfriend is a Total Keeper
Dealbreakers are for spinsters and women who don't shave their armpits. Take what you can get now or die alone.
Middle-Earth Elves are a Bunch of Assholes
The farting, the boozing, the singing, the lamenting... good grief, what a bunch of lazy, pretentious midgets with nothing to do but stir up drama.