Dear Valued Customer: You Can’t Run from These Deals Forever
Okay, now we're starting to get mad. What kind of civilized person puts items in their shopping cart and just leaves them there?
Tag: Emails
Increasingly Desperate Marketing Emails from a Start-Up Guy
As you already know from my #startupgrind Instagram posts, I’ve been hard at work on an exciting new business venture!
Can Anyone Give Me (and 17 Beavers) a Ride?
Btw can’t pay you, but will provide you with a new car air freshener. The beavers have a bit of an odor. Not bad, but definitely noticeable.
Sorta but Not Really Scary Emails That Jason Vorhees Sent Me in Lieu of a Good Old Fashioned Machete Slice
You think I didn’t see your ass (which was nude) swimming in Camp Crystal Lake? You know I drowned in there? That’s just disrespectful.
I Am Out of the Office, But Please Contact Me Anytime (Really, Anytime)
For urgent matters, please reach out to Gary Dilworth, who will bombard me with angry texts in all caps until I respond.
This Is PayPal, Informing You That Your Account May Be Compromised
Have you been getting some emails that seem Phishy? This is PayPal, btw. The real PayPal. How can you know? You’ll get a gut feeling inside.
My Latest Job Rejection Email, Translated
We hope this message finds you and your loved ones healthy and safe. (We hope you have other things going for you, like parents with substantial savings.)
Mistakes Were Made: One Intern’s Heartfelt Apology, Written Entirely in the Passive Voice
The clients’ voicemails were mistakenly deleted, as the functions of the different button thingies had been forgotten.
Feedback on My Existence
Have you considered making me taller and more visually striking? Might be good for brand recognition.
Re: Help Me Obi Wan,…
Due to many frightful circumstances relating to galactic space evil, I must speak over discretely email.
As the Company’s Global Head of Sales, I Firmly Believe That Your Silence in Response to a Dozen of My Emails Means “Yes!”
I was hoping to catch up this week to discuss how our Product You’ve Never Heard Of can quadruple your annual revenue.
I Am the Reply All Button and God Am I Sexy
Yes!! Tell the whole department how unintuitive you find the system. Oh YES it’s been so hard for you to find your files since the software update.