A North Jersey Mob Boss Holds a Zoom Meeting About “Legitimate Business”
If anyone’s screen-sharing with a cop, it won’t be long until you’re keeping six feet away from the living. Screen-sharers are dead to me.
Tag: Emails
Unopened Quarantine Chain Emails
Re: Re: Re: Super Fun Quarantine Recipe Exchange Re: This will not work if everyone does not fwd this email to their closest 10 friends RIGHT NOW
Dad’s Work from Home Automatic Email Responses
I am unable to respond at this time, as I'm walking around the house looking for construction opportunities.
Recipes for Disaster
Hi, acquaintance from college! Last time I heard from you was in a gun control debate on my Facebook page!
Conditions That Must Be Perfect for My Girlfriend and I to Have Sex
Phone ringer volume must be all the way down, so no one is distracted by a late call from Justin H. Each of us must be into our third Moscow Mule.
Miranda Rights? Come On, This Guy Is Such a Samantha
“You have the right to remain sexy, no matter how indeterminately older you are than your circle of close friends.” It’s just a number, people!
It’s Important That Teachers Come Together and Cyberbully Trevor, Who Has Always Been an Asshole
Or the time that he got the whole school to chant "Mr. O’Brien is a virgin" when I was doing announcements during the assembly?
Your Private Student Loan and COVID-19
We have been keeping your loan “sheltered in place” so that it grows at its 12% compounded rate.
Opening Sentence Drafts for My Brand’s Coronavirus Email Blast
In these unprecedented times, / In these, let’s be real, horrifying times, / In these gay Oklahoman tiger overlord TV star times,
I’m the Exclamation Mark in Your Work Emails and I’ve Had Enough
You’re that fired up about Gabe’s oatmeal raisin cookies in the break room? You’re not fooling anybody that you “dream about those bad boys!”
A Message from a Company You Are Somehow Still Receiving Emails from Regarding COVID-19
We are adjusting our policy of requiring sick employees to come into work so we can laugh at them for being frail and weak.
Company-Wide Emails That Have Interrupted My Actual Work
Friendly reminder that client bathroom is for clients only / Executive you’ve never met leaving company / Routine system maintenance this weekend