I’m the Exclamation Mark in Your Work Emails and I’ve Had Enough
You’re that fired up about Gabe’s oatmeal raisin cookies in the break room? You’re not fooling anybody that you “dream about those bad boys!”
Tag: Emails
A Message from a Company You Are Somehow Still Receiving Emails from Regarding COVID-19
We are adjusting our policy of requiring sick employees to come into work so we can laugh at them for being frail and weak.
Company-Wide Emails That Have Interrupted My Actual Work
Friendly reminder that client bathroom is for clients only / Executive you’ve never met leaving company / Routine system maintenance this weekend
My Personal Statement Applying to Your Grad Program Because I’m 24 and Not Sure What Else to Do
What I love about education is that it provides the unique opportunity to do my homework instead of having to consider any future plans.
How to Fake Your Own Death to Avoid a Multi-Level Marketing Consultant
Gather your family and friends in a Wi-Fi-less underground shelter and give them an envelope disclosing which part of the Andes you’ll be hiding in.
Congratulations on Securing a Saggy Bed and Creaky Desk at Our Artist Colony!
This residency is fully funded and exists in an alternate universe where the words fully funded do not mean we give you funds.
The Email Conversation I Had with My Middle School Vice Principal after Repeatedly Butt-Dialing Him While Riding a Mechanical Bull
"Unless this is some sort of street lingo I need to brush up on, I think you may have accidentally contacted me. LOL!"
To: The Lord RE: Your Mysterious Ways
Upper management has been attempting to quell frustration by saying, “The Lord works in mysterious ways.” Well, I for one think that You should not.
My Mid-Flight Roast of Our Pilot Was Ruined When the Air Marshal Heckled Me
When the captain misspoke and said “tur-buh-lence,” instead of “turbulence,” I was like a shark smelling blood in the water.
An Introduction to the Major Laws of Freelancer Physics
First Law of Freelancer Motion: A freelancer at rest will stay at rest unless that state is changed by an impending deadline.
FDA-Approved Vape Flavors (For Adults Only!)
These FDA-Approved Fusion Flavors™? are guaranteed to provide a satisfying Juul experience that appeals exclusively to people over 40.
Emails from Jesus’s Micromanaging Boss, Phil
Just touching base with you on this month’s miracles. As you know, miracles are one of our key performance indicators this quarter.