How I Got My Dad to Stop Bowing to the Waitstaff at Toshi’s Sashimi House
He may mean well, but your dad has gotta stop this. Not only for the good folks at Toshi's, but for your socially-conscious millennial sanity.
Tag: Environment
The Delicate Parental Art of Preventing and Putting Out Fires
My parents' top priority wasn't a clean room or fresh air, but fire safety. This is why I had a 15-foot fire ladder in my second-floor bedroom.
Hannibal: I’m Starting to Think Crossing the Alps was a Stupid Idea
Just six months ago, eating peeled grapes from my servants, I thought it was a brilliant idea. Now, standing up to my ass in snow, maybe not so much.
NYC Color-Coded Air Pollution Alert System
The new NYC system utilizes colors corresponding to varying degrees of air pollution emergencies, each color representing the air smell of the day.
Why Working at the Hotel from “The Shining” was the Best Job I Ever Had
If room 237 needed to be checked-in on (as it always seemed to) but I wasn't really feelin' it, I just wouldn’t do it, and nobody ever got mad.
Just Because I’m a Little Drunk and Homeless Doesn’t Mean I Can’t Berate This Pile of Garbage
Hey you, filthy nasty Garbage. I feel like we got off to on the wrong foot, but let's get back on track: you'll never amount to anything.
How Not to Use Tinder If You’re Living in a Martian Colony
Mark, I want you. I want to be stranded here with you. Damn the rest of humanity! We can start over. We can rebuild, Mark!
Why is My Watershed Not Having a Watershed Moment?
Powerful men are being held accountable for their despicable actions in watershed moments, but are we forgetting about true watersheds?
Confessions of a Potted Plant in Love with Harvey Weinstein
As a plant, it was one thing to have a guy like Harvey Weinstein brush up against you. But to finish himself off inside you?
4 Glowing Reviews of My Grad School Basement Apartment
There's nothing like coming home at the end of the day to a tiny, dingy $800-a-month basement apartment to remind you that your dreams are a sham.
Miss Tabitha’s Phone Sex and Nuclear Apocalypse Preparation Hotline
I'm wearing a transparent red teddy while I fondle myself to thoughts of your survival preparations. That’s because I'm outside of the fallout zone.
Now That My Girlfriend Left Me, I’m Fattening Up to Be Eaten by a Witch
I can't help but wonder, are the things that made me an unappealing romantic companion to Gretchen the same things that make me an unappetizing meal to witches?