The White House of Horrors: Release and Waiver of Liability and Risk Assumption Agreement
You assume liability for certain risks including overcooked steak, delusions of grandeur, eerily dwindling base support, and airborne spray tan.
Tag: Environment
Famously Unethical Psychological Experiments Re-Envisioned for Millennials
A phoneless participant will be quizzed about Buffy. If they get an answer wrong, another participant will be instructed to send a text to an ex.
Stern Letters From Health Inspectors to Musicians Who Sang About Food
Re: Truffle Butter. Dear Ms. Maraj et. al, We have looked up what this phrase means on Urban Dictionary, and we do not like it.
Writer’s Block Busted! Political Speechwriters Edition
The first step, of course, is to avoid mirrors. This is essential if you are to eliminate the risk of looking yourself in the eye.
A Eulogy for Straw
Wooden coffee stirrer, remember when Straw convinced you that the barista went through 45 toothpicks a day? The look on your face! God, he was fun.
Tips and Tricks to Turn Botched Spaghetti Leftovers into Dinner
It's entirely possible that a combination of organ transplants and pagan ritual sacrifices could grant life to the spaghetti you covered in yogurt.
Who’s the Ultimate GOAT: Jordan, LeBron, or These Baby Goats Standing on the Backs of People Doing Yoga?
Michael and LeBron do not like mountain climbing. They’re just not any good at it. Conversely, Baby Goat can scale a mountain like nothing.
Reviews of Office Scents
Inhale deeply, for you must use the communal microwave to reheat your leftover risotto, which will add another layer to the complex scent.
Where to Summer During Today’s Blood Moon
Between Subway Stations: Because this blood moon is opposing Mercury in retrograde, all travel will become a Rube Goldberg-esque hellscape of delays and re-routes.
Queer Blockbuster Movies Coming Out in 2019
"Drag Queen Zombies Attack!" Things are jockstraps and Jonas Brothers until suddenly, Mary Fairy and Anita Dick attack and try to eat their brains.
How to Care for Your Millennial Houseplants
OMG Literally Dead Plant: The most common millennial houseplant, it comes in all varieties that ultimately end the same way---dead AF.
Eulogies for the Houseplants My Dumbass Essentially Murdered
Einstein was a Ponytail Palm that my sister got me. Like the Einstein from Science, this Ponytail Palm had an eccentric intelligence, but no grace.