A Nightmare at the Abandoned Circuit City
“FIFTY PERCENT OFF ALL CDS” the dusty words said, in a manic scrawl. “EVERYTHING MUST GO!” Frankie backed away in horror. What was a CD?!
Tag: Extreme
Last Year’s Cruise Ship Accident Will Not Affect How I Manage This Year’s Cruise Ships
Feel free to thumb through the 3,500-page book, "Extreme Survival Scenarios," which is now required reading. Feel free to hang out by the buffet.
When Did Purges Get So Corporate?
Every year there’s an escalation of more and more extreme Purge spectacles. And honest, hard-working citizens just can’t keep up.
Robotics Team Totally Not Fucking the Robot
“Why does it have breasts?” Uh, women have breasts, okay? i-Rene is obviously female, duh! I mean we named her i-Rene.
Chapter One of My Autobiography, Written in Advance to Free Up Time When I’m Extremely Busy
How did I make this unexpected transformation from amateur writer to entrepreneur-scholar-travel blogger-Harlem Globetrotter?
The Key to Success Here is Talking for Talking’s Sake
My advice is to ask her about her Fitbit as soon as possible, and then to make it a daily routine to inquire about her step count.
The White House of Horrors: Release and Waiver of Liability and Risk Assumption Agreement
You assume liability for certain risks including overcooked steak, delusions of grandeur, eerily dwindling base support, and airborne spray tan.
[Title Blocked Until You Pledge To My Patreon]
Yes, I sold ad space at the end of that paragraph. Yes, I know that the end of the first paragraph is traditionally where the humorous premise goes.
Christopher Columbus Discovered Heaven
The only problem with Heaven is that it doesn’t last long, depending on how strong your beans are, and so the key is to keep drinking more of it.
Boyz II Men’s “I’ll Make Love To You” Annotated For All The Sexual Harassers Singing It At Karaoke
Pour the wine, light the fire/Girl your wish is my command* *Theirs is an equal exchange of pleasure, because it's about consent!
Discovery Channel Presents “Naked and Afraid: Game of Thrones”
Featuring almost as much nudity and survival-based killings as the smash-hit HBO series, this is sure to be the can't-miss reality show of the year.
Harvard Application Checklist for Asian-Americans
Have you avoided hearing and speaking your parents’ native tongue for your entire life, so you can mark English as the only language you know?