Harvard Application Checklist for Asian-Americans
Have you avoided hearing and speaking your parents’ native tongue for your entire life, so you can mark English as the only language you know?
Tag: Extreme
An Extremely Helpful and Informative Heat Advisory
Please take this heat advisory especially seriously if you are old, as being old puts you at a higher risk of Everything.
The Case for Watching “Three Men and a Baby” and “Baby’s Day Out” Back to Back
Baby vs. Single Men is the quintessential conflict of the time period, driving at the heart of America’s anxieties around wealth, gender, and cocaine.
I Was Cool With the Rat Living in My Apartment Until I Found Out He Was Running a Pyramid Scheme From Under My Stove
“I see what you were doing. Building up my trust so that one day, you could get me involved in your little scheme too,” I said, holding back tears.
Those Mistakes Were Actually Art Pieces
"The Lonely Hand’s Solo; In Motion, 2017," for Ryan, whom I thought was waving but was not and does not recognize me and now I’ve made eye contact.
The Side Effects of Mytozarphaul
Impulsive purchases of garden gnomes. Contact your doctor immediately if you accumulate more than fifty, especially if where you live is very small.
Well, I Just Got to Hell and the Bagels Freaking Suck
You can take the man out of the big city and send him to Hell for a life of transgressions, but you can’t take the big city out of the man.
The Truth About Landing a Podcast Deal in Prison
The producers were convinced that my boyfriend Todd was the actual killer. Have you seen Todd? My little baby cousin is stronger than him.
Advice From One Mad Scientist to Another: Don’t Open That Interdimensional Gateway
I’m not quite sure how to begin but I know too well how it ends: with tendrily monsters eating your loved ones.
I Know, I Know, I’m the Last Roman in the Republic Who Hasn’t Seen the New Gladiator Show
Hark, I get it. Carpophorus is reinventing the very genre of public violence. I just don’t have time to get into the King of Beasts right now, okay?
Your Mission, Should You Choose to Accept It, Is to Get My Stepson Keith to Stop Yelling “You’ve Got That Silly Putty Dick” at Me
You’re the best goddamned spy we’ve got in the service, but the day you TRULY become a spy is the day you get my stepson to show me some respect.
Five Signs That Your Barber is Collecting Your Hair So He Can Secretly Clone You
And when you asked what this mysterious doppelgänger’s name was, your barber quickly said, “That? That’s, uh, Comb McScissors.”