Life-Threatening Situations to Mark Yourself “Safe” on Facebook
You sat in silence for 18 minutes after finding out your new barber was from Long Island, voted for Trump, and has amazing ideas for your stand-up.
Tag: Facebook
Did You Forget Your Password, You Stupid Bitch?
Security question: What is your maternal grandmother’s first name? We know you paused to remember which side maternal is, you unlearned horse’s ass.
The Internalized Fantasies of a Queer Latino-American Boy
“I’m not racist,” I say, laughing. “The first guy who sexually assaulted me was white.”
Escape Rooms for Adults
"Senior": You’re over 70 and must get your pills organized in that little plastic box with the SMTWTFS lids.
There Can Be a Hundred People in a Room and Ninety-Nine Don’t Believe in You
There can be a hundred people in a hundred different rooms and none of them believe in you. Sometimes things just work out like that.
Is Your Aunt Peggy Paparazzi or Is She Just a Monster?
3) What did you get Aunt Peggy for Christmas? a. A big box of steering clear. b. Well, she would have wanted me to get myself something nice.
The Universe Tells Me
I doubt it would cook up an abundance of hate to overpower the abundance of love. It would be so not like the universe to fuck with abundance.
Less-Subtle Pre-Filled Opt-Out Insults
In order to allow our company's pop-up confirmshaming to get right to the point, we have dropped all pretense in our online buttons.
I Am Urging You to Urge Others to Push for Climate Change Action
We just can’t continue on like this without telling everyone we know that we can’t continue on like this.
Jackets to Buy This Winter Instead of Having a Personality
Colorblock Windbreaker: You wear this athletic fit ironically because you are actually a struggling improv performer.
Night at the Museum: Constitutional Crisis
Twenty-first Amendment (Abolition of Prohibition) This former frat-bro is a highly functioning alcoholic. Currently a member of the federal judiciary.
The People You Will See at a Party In Your Hometown
This guy did not go to our high school. Who is this guy? Does anyone know who he is? He’s not someone’s spouse is he? Is he from our hometown though?