If Tolkien’s Middle-Earth Had Technology
SMÉAGOL: At least give me a chance. I mean, have you even listened to my podcast? My Preciouses?
Tag: Facebook
A Few Thoughts About That Video You Recorded After My Root Canal
I will be sure to keep you updated on all the social metrics. I still care about you, and the kids (our kids), and our social media numbers.
All My Friends Are Getting Married or Having Kids, But I Just Found Out What the Inside of a Kiwi Looks Like
Nazeema is currently on her honeymoon in a country that she can't pronounce or point out on a map. I can pronounce, "kiwi."
Ho Ho Ho, I’ve Updated Your Privacy Policy
But if Mr Zuckerberg thinks that now I will finally bring him that Tickle Me Elmo, he is wrong. He was a bad boy then and he's an even badder boy now.
Six Clues That Your Cats Could Be Using Your House as a Human Fight Club
If a stranger with a black eye winks at you on the street, that’s a surefire giveaway that your cats are pedalling human violence for profit.
If You Ever Think “I Wish I Was Dead,” Let Me Assure You: It’s More Correct to Use “Were”
I know that sometimes it seems like the world is unfair. But that’s why we invented language. These rules give structure to a chaotic world.
Terms and Conditions for the Use of This Software
We reserve the right to reserve the very best table at the most expensive restaurant in your surrounding area and to charge it to your credit card.
Thoreau’s Walden, 200 Years Later
The question is not what you look at, but what you see; and not just what you see, but what is on your Netflix “Recently Watched” list.
Open Letter from a White Gay
Did you assume it was easy for all of us to bleach our hair two months after coming out? No. But we all did it. Every single one of us.
Truthful Alumni Magazine Class Notes
Juan Baerga, ‘10, has only ever used what he learned from his $160,000 engineering degree in determining which piece to remove in Jenga.
Field Notes from the Archaeological Dig of Your Boyfriend Jake’s Instagram
I speculate that these images date back to the early 2010s, based on the woman’s dramatic side bangs and orange tribal body painting.
The Social Media Verification Badge, Rarest Pokemon of All
A master ball isn’t gonna do it, dumbass. It’s gonna take a brand sponsorship and widespread public interest in your day-to-day bullshit.