To Thank You for Being My Gladiators, I’m Providing Cupcakes
It will be a chance to network over a sweet treat with other gladiators who, in a few days, will try to clobber the life out of you.
Tag: Fights
My Family Always Fights Over Politics at Thanksgiving Because I Instigate Them
If you think Thanksgiving is a time when we could all come together, you haven’t met my family after I poke and prod.
Buddy? You Just Messed with the RIGHT Guy!
Worried I might embark on a border-spanning bloody warpath? You think I have that many air miles saved up?
I, Your Dead Wife, Want You to Remember This Romantic Moment While You’re Avenging Me
You’ll want to remember this before you charge into your first big gun battle with Dmitri the Razor’s anonymous henchmen and make your pain theirs.
Dueling Tips from a Veteran Duelist
Judicial combat is a seminal moment and, with a record of 22-0 (humans) and 1-1 (trumpeter swan, with rematch), you’ve come to the right person for advice!
You Shouldn’t Have Messed with a Philosopher, and I’ll Prove It from First Principles
That’s right, I’d be afraid if I were you too. Afraid of having my actions held up to intellectually rigorous ethical scrutiny!
I’m a Movie Villain and Here Are 40 Reasons We’re Not So Different, You and I
I murdered your wife, and you got pretty mad at me for doing that. We’ll call that one a tie. We’re both people!
Buddy, You Went and Messed with the Right Guy
Are you fucking with me? Because if you are, I swear to God that, with ZERO hesitation, I will absolutely let you do that.
It’s the Third Act of Our Action Movie and the Perfect Time to Ride a Ferris Wheel
I assure you that there is no better place to be than in a rickety metal porch swing slowly ascending to the sky!
The Superhero Known as The Vegan Fends Off Home Invaders
“Vegan! Give us ze classified recipes and ve vill let you live!” The Vegan’s former best friend-turned-nemesis, General Draganov, shouts.
How to Combat Your Internalized Misogyny in the Form of a Horrible Little Gremlin
Fight back by repeating daily affirmations—"I am good enough"—or by taking off a shoe and whipping it at the gremlin’s head.
I Actually Do Have Time for Your Sick Little Games
I’ve since had a cancellation, opening a slot when I actually COULD play one of your sick little games.