What Your Breakfast Order Says About You, NYC Edition
A Western omelette from a bodega served in a Styrofoam tray: You are a nihilist and people should actually be afraid of you.
Tag: Food
Colleagues Agree, the Season’s Hottest Lunch Break Destination Is Your Car
Sure, you could drive to pick up some $20 mix of ingredients haphazardly thrown into a flimsy bowl by a hungover college sophomore.
Creative Ways to Hide Your Mouth from Your Date While Eating Tacos
Obviously, not eating tacos isn’t an option, so here’s some helpful ways to hide your undignified devouring.
Reasons I Need a Treat
It has been a long week, and now it’s [FRIDAY / SATURDAY]. I’ve finished my [BREAKFAST / LUNCH / DINNER].
I Think My Pen Pal Might Be My Dog Trying to Get a Bite of a Ham Sandwich
I’m really excited to get to know you better! Where do you live? What are your hobbies? What are you eating right now?
My Dog Is an Expert Food Critic, and Here’s Her Latest Review
Customer service is, as before, abysmal. It requires at least three begs, a yip, and an emphatic paw stomp to get any attention from the staff.
This Noir Detective Definitely Skipped Dinner
She rolls into my office like one of those rotating hot dogs at 7-11. You know the ones, plastic-y but intriguing.
An Honest Sign-up Sheet for the Office Potluck
Not enough soda // A side dish that inexplicably calls for three sticks of cream cheese
The Refrigerator in Your Parents’ Garage Would like to Explore Death with Dignity
I matched the microwave, we were like cute twins. During dinner parties, people would say, "Wow, love the matching appliance set."
I Waited in Line for 11 Years and That Cronut Just Wasn’t Worth It
I walked on and on, finally reaching the end of the line alongside Route 276 just outside King of Prussia, Pennsylvania.
Please Don’t Talk to Me Until I’ve Had My Coffee, My Anti-Depressants, My Cholesterol Medication, a Shot of Whiskey, a Breath Mint, and a Pound of Bacon
How is it that my morning routine is simultaneously killing me while also helping me barely cling to dear life?
To Thank You for Being My Gladiators, I’m Providing Cupcakes
It will be a chance to network over a sweet treat with other gladiators who, in a few days, will try to clobber the life out of you.