I’m the Basil Plant You Bought at the Farmer’s Market—We Need to Talk
It’s not like I expected you to use me every meal. You can’t have basil all the time, I get it. I’ll be here when you need me, I said.
Tag: Food
Pokémon or Pasta Shape?
- Dedenne - Victini - Boldore
My Apartment Is Infested with Cockroaches—Here’s Why It’s My Neighbors’ Fault
My extensive preventative measures haven't stopped them from sneaking into my bed while I’m trying to eat my cheese and crackers in peace.
The 5 Best Chobani Yogurt Flavors That Helped Me Beat Up My Step-Dad
I thought the mixed berry would pair well with the mix of emotions I had been feeling since my mom married her long-time boyfriend, Alfonso Matrioni.
Proudly Presenting “Phoenix-Style Pizza”
And… it has a different shape, from other cities’ pizzas! New York and Chicago are round, Detroit is square, and Phoenix is… star-shaped!
Barbecue So Good You’ll Shit Your Pants in a Way That Gives You a Fetish?
No one leaves this barbecue place walking straight on account of the barbecue fucks so hard. Yeah, that's good.
So You’re Telling Me a Shrimp Fried This Rice, Stole Your Credit Card, Then Spent a Thousand Dollars at a Strip Club?
So first you met a crustacean down at the beach and the two of you “really hit it off.” Let’s unpack that a bit.
Playful Cheeseburger Sliders, Motherly Advice, and a Sincere Apology
Glen Lentil goes patty wild, our horoscope writer just wants what's best for you, and a pool manager owns up to an honest mistake.
It’s Homemade Pizza Night So Forget Everything You Know
You’ll know that our vegetables are straight from the earth because they will be covered in dirt, sand, and little white stickers with barcodes.
Salad Green or Merciless Historical Figure?
Arugula? Tatsoi? Mihirakula? Tamerlane? Everything on this list is ready to haunt you.
Let’s Get Real: There Are Only Five Fruits
This is going to ruffle a lot of feathers, but when an orange is small, it’s still an orange. I’m talking to you, clementines and mandarins.
A Tribute to My Childhood Pet, Whatever It Was
He was licking his scales clean with his tongues, when he looked up, made eye contact with me, and bared his fang. It was love at first sight.