Answers to Your Potato Safety Questions
Q. Can I safely bring an unpeeled potato into a sporting event? A. Security will likely be using metal & potato detectors. It will be confiscated.
Tag: Food
An Open Letter from a Can of Soup Fed Up with a One-Sided Relationship
I just sit in the kitchen cupboard waiting until the next time you show up unexpectedly after months of neglect with your puffy eyes and runny nose.
Subway Restaurant or Subway Transportation?
There is a half-eaten sub sandwich on the ground. It looks like it has been there for some time. / You're here because you wanted to go "green."
I’m Replacing Your Zoom Cooking Instructor, But I’ve Never Seen This Recipe Before, So Bear with Me
Oh. This is chicken marsala? I thought Chelsea said “chicken, more salsa!” That’s fine. Shouldn’t be too different.
On the Dangerous Rise of Oat Milk, From Almond Milk
I had hoped the craze would die out before needing to call an emergency meeting at the alternative milk headquarters, the Portland Trader Joe's.
2020 as Told by My Very Healthy, Reasonable Grocery Lists
June 7th, 2020: Enriched flour, Sourdough starter, Yeast, Loaf of Sara Lee in case July 4th, 2020: Watermelon, American flag to burn, Hot dogs
One Man’s Eulogy to the Love That Nearly Killed Him
That’s when I see this sandwich, all multi-layered and cut in half with these giant toothpicks holding everything together.
Santa’s Reviews of Milk and Cookies
The thank-you note was from Whiskers, Sam Meowliot, and Purrt Russell. They also showed their gratitude by leaving some fur in the cookies.
The Stories Behind the Story Behind Dan Fogelberg’s “Same Old Lang Syne”
When I hear this song, I remember how Krakenfuss kept her grocery store open on Christmas Eve. She was the richest person in town and the meanest.
The Big Green Egg XXL Limited Edition Grill Responds to My Dad’s Comments about It Possibly Blowing Away with the Strong Winds Expected Tonight
I do not plan on blowing away before the next Thanksgiving. I am not merely a summer fling or a one-night affair.
I Am Your Smartphone Sitting in a Bag of Rice
Am I OK? What do you care? You’re just thinking, “Did anyone like the bikini pic I posted at the pool before I ALMOST KILLED MY BEST FRIEND?”
Holiday Cookie Recipe for the Anxious and Depressed
1 cup unbleached sadness / ½ cup confidence, ground down until it becomes an unrecognizable powder / 2 heaping handfuls unrealized goals, crushed