For Sale: Breakfast Burrito, Men’s Medium, Like New
It's got professional grade tortillas, reclaimed shredded cheese, and was folded the same way U.S. Navy Seals do out in battlefield cafeterias.
Tag: Food
How to Make a Drive-Thru Interaction Incredibly Awkward
Someone of your social ineptitude fears any conflict, meaning you should absolutely feel nervous about upsetting a bored stranger you can't even see.
Please Stop Inviting Me, Leonardo da Vinci, To Your Dream Dinner Parties of People Alive or Dead
Did it ever occur to you that I wrote backwards because I was a private guy who kept to himself? You think social anxiety wasn’t a thing in 1507?
Congratulations Caterpillar, In a Month You’ll Be Flying! But Your Mouth and Jaw Will Be Gone and You’ll Have a Long Skinny Horror Tube
Oh, and instead of those dozens of legs you’re used to, you’ll have six legs and there’ll be basically tongues on the end of each of them.
Nothing Says Fourth of July like Hellmann’s New Strawberry-Flavored Mayonnaise
Strawberry Mayonnaise Daiquiris: Sounds terrible, right? The first few are, but I’m on my third one now and I can’t even taste them anymore.
Great-Great-Grandma Mathilda’s Recipe for Eating the Rich
Ingredients: 1 billionaire, appropriately beaten; Kosher salt; Fresh herbs / Serves: 99% of the population, when divided equally.
My Smoothie Is Green and Now I Can See Sound
When you blend spinach into a smoothie, you become better. Better than others, better than yourself, better than God. You can see sound, hear color.
I’m Just a Man Who Believes in Breakfast Pizza
Subject: History WILL NOT be kind to the man who ignored breakfast pizza. Not gonna lie, Rob. Reallllly feel like you’re blowing it here.
6 Techniques I Believe Will Get Sonny the Cuckoo Bird to Renounce Cocoa Puffs and Embrace Christianity
1) I Make a Rube Goldberg-type Machine That Gives Sonny a Spank Right on the Keister Every Time He Lifts the Spoon to His Mouth
Police Officer or Chipotle Employee?
Which of the following pieces of equipment can be carried off-duty by employees and even concealed? A) Avocado Masher B) SIG Sauer P320 Pistol
How to Make a Pop-Tort
Remove your hot tart halves from the toaster. Do not use oven mitts or hand coverings. The tarts will be exceptionally brittle.
I Am a Self-Checkout Kiosk, and You’re in This for the Long Haul
My operating system may look like it could run on a Fisher-Price, but don't be fooled by the over-sized print or intuitive icons. I am a UX terror.