Food | Page 30 | Points in Case

Tag: Food

We care about your wellbeing because we don’t need your fat ass jacking up our healthcare costs.

I thought space was going to be the most romantic time of our 10-month relationship. That’s why I got three new rompers and a bikini wax.

The crumbs on my face, the milk mustache, the hand entirely within the cookie jar—these are all circumstantial and prove nothing. NO COOKIE!

The meaning of life is being in a bathtub, no matter what the circumstances are. It’s joining a group to roll a beached whale back into the sea.

You wouldn’t take away my memories just because all of your memories of Mr. Bawk Bawk are of the CEO standing over your wife’s lifeless body?

Howard and I both know the importance of symbolic gestures---have you ever ordered oatmeal at Dunkin’ or Starbucks? No. But you COULD!

And you charged me for all of it?! That’s over $15,000! Listen, I’m not made of that Tony Stark money

Appetizer: Meat Yogurt -- What's the one thing moms love more than fruit? Duh, it's yogurt!

All lifeguards are entitled to one free snack per day. In exchange, all snack bar employees are entitled to one free rescue per day. Make it count.

I am the only one in my sphere of influence who has a truck that hauls ass. As such, my friends frequently call me to haul some ass for them.

What are you gonna do next, wear Vans to a fundraiser? Actually, don’t do that, I’m calling dibs, homie.

February 17, 2019: Gronk asked to leave goat yoga after try spike goat into ground. Gronk totally relaxed and just wanted to do end zone celebration.