Christopher Columbus Discovered Heaven
The only problem with Heaven is that it doesn’t last long, depending on how strong your beans are, and so the key is to keep drinking more of it.
Tag: Food
I’m Trying to Be a Supportive Field Hand, But I’m Sick of Listening to the Farmer Complain About the Curse a Witch Put on His Land
Every day the farmer moans about how he’s worried he’ll have no crops to sell this year and won't be able to afford his mortgage, blah blah blah.
Thoughts from a Town with an Abandoned Twinkie Factory
"When we put him in the ground, we dropped in every Twinkie wrapper. A shade under a million. He lived to 103. So...yes. I think they're ok for you.”
An Evening with General Custer’s Great-Great-Great-Great Grandson at Buffalo Wild Wings
Chesney stormed out of the gate, inhaling what must've been 25-30 wings in the first two minutes. Drums, flats, didn't matter.
I Tried Eating Like an Instagram Foodie for a Week and Turns Out I’m Not Too Young to Have a Heart Attack
You can never go wrong with pizza, eggs, sushi, unicorn foods, pizza, pasta, rosé, ramen, tacos, or pizza.
Becca’s Baking Blog: This Banana Bread Will Fuck Your Shit Up
And before you ask, you disgusting skid mark, yes, we’re sifting our dry ingredients before combining. We weren’t raised by fucking mole people.
I’d Prefer to Date Someone Kind and Attractive, But Yes, I Would Settle for a Day-Old Baguette
Don’t tell me I have no standards. I wouldn’t date a slice of bread. That’s like, basically no bread!
Incel Burger Has Heard Your Complaints and We’re Sorry
As our apology, have a free “Girlfriend’s Fingers Fries,” which are for scraping against your cheek so that you can pretend you have a girlfriend.
So You Want to Sell Your Screenplay?
4. To fund this web series and convince your friends that this project is worth creating, adapt the web series into a musical for the stage.
I’m Just a Bride, Standing in Front of Her Bridesmaids, Asking Them to Answer My Fucking Texts
I sent another text last night. I get that 3 AM is late, but that’s why I made all of you set your text tones to the sound of your children crying!
Stern Letters From Health Inspectors to Musicians Who Sang About Food
Re: Truffle Butter. Dear Ms. Maraj et. al, We have looked up what this phrase means on Urban Dictionary, and we do not like it.
What Your Favorite Type of Apple Says About You
Jonagold: You really want to ask your boss for a raise, but every time you think about doing it, you throw up a little in your mouth. Maybe next year.