So You’re Bored Enough to Read the Back of the Package
We want to extend our deepest gratitude to you for believing in our potato chips. Those other people who didn’t buy our chips can go right to hell.
Tag: Food
“Be Careful, the Plate Is Hot” and Other Honest Pointers from Your Server
"Be hip to the fact that your mains won’t be served at the same time. Of course, they could be, but they won’t be."
Donkey Kong Country Level or Episode of Chopped?
TV food challenge? Or problem for a big ape? Test your knowledge for Meatball Madness, Bumble B. Rumble, Clever Fever, and more.
Remembering Scrimby’s, the 90s’ Greatest Fast Food Chain
They found their secret sauce in nature, and they always said they would have to close up shop once the cave they mined it out of dried up.
I Know This Is Your Summer Hangout, but as Your Father I Think It Would Be Much Better If I Fired up the Grill
I’ve got everything lined up so this grilling experience won’t be sullied by past mistakes. Remember the infamous Frankless Fourth of July?
The “Micky Mouse Pancakes” on Our Kids Menu Are Not Affiliated with the Walt Disney Company
Smiling or otherwise expressive mouse head-shaped pancakes are trademarked.
We Are a Fancy Restaurant, and We Are About to Dim the Lights
Darkness provides ambiance. Your food will look mysterious. Changing burned-out lightbulbs is a chore we just don’t want to do.
The Very Hungry Caterpillar Executive
On Wednesday he ate through his employee's 401ks, but he was still hungry.
Of All the Twelve-Packs of Coke Zero in This Supermarket, I Chose You
What chance did this damaged little runt have against such a glittering squadron of unblemished beauties?
Simple Rules to Get a Reservation at Our Trendy Restaurant
New reservations are released four times a year at 2:01 AM on the Winter Solstice, the Summer Solstice, the Spring Equinox, and Armistice Day.
I’ll Carry All My Groceries Inside in One Trip, Even If It Kills Me
Multiple trips? No way. I’m not leaving anything to take in “next.” There is no “next.” There is only “bringing everything inside at once."
20 Tips for Reading While Dining Out That Are Easier than Buying a $2 Pair of Reading Glasses
- Ask what the specials are, then ask what all the regular items are. - Memorize the entire menu instead.