Merry Christmas From the Millers to All You Fuckers
Sue grew into her breasts last year and is now popular with the boys, but she is self-identifying as Asian which is also confusing the boys.
Tag: Food
Hi, This is Jimmy from Wikipedia and I’m Writing to Ask, One Last Time: Please Consider Paying Me Back for Your Portion of Last Sunday’s Brunch
Here's an incredible statistic: if 100% of people at the brunch paid me back right now, you would never have to hear from me again.
Just Because I’m a Little Drunk and Homeless Doesn’t Mean I Can’t Berate This Pile of Garbage
Hey you, filthy nasty Garbage. I feel like we got off to on the wrong foot, but let's get back on track: you'll never amount to anything.
How to Celebrate Christmas Without Letting Your Cousin Know You Want to Fuck
When Uncle Bob leads the family in grace, take the opportunity to open Tinder for some discreet, under-the-table swiping, but still visible to Derek.
4 Reasons You Will Fall Asleep During Sex in Your 20’s
Rejecting the opportunity to Google duck penises all night on the internet just to have sex with someone is a slap in the face to Bill Gates.
A Zen Guide to Surviving a Red State Thanksgiving
Going home for the holidays is never easy, especially when your relatives start talking about politics. Here's some advice to help you through this Thanksgiving.
Travel Advice from Someone Who Totally Went to Africa
Before planning your trip to Africa, consider the advice of someone who has been there many times and is totally not making stuff up based on movies.
3 Practical Ways to Shut Down a Political Argument During Thanksgiving Dinner
As soon as you hear the first political remark that makes everyone clench their silverware, go ahead and loudly ask someone to "PASS THE SCRAMBLED EGGS."
There’s an Uncooked Burrito in the Microwave, Now What?
How long has this burrito thing been languishing in the microwave? How did it get there in the first place? And most importantly, can I eat it?
5 Signs Your Subpar Boyfriend is a Total Keeper
Dealbreakers are for spinsters and women who don't shave their armpits. Take what you can get now or die alone.
The Heart Wants What the Heart Wants: An Update
The heart wants long johns from Saks. The heart can't get long johns from Saks unless it can get into the subway, but it used all it's coins.
5 Signs Your Dog Wants to Go Vegetarian
These behaviors are your dog's way of telling you she wants to become a vegetarian. After all, there's no chance canines are actually biologically programmed to eat meat.