The Seven Stages of Dealing with the Inability to Pierce a Grape Tomato with a Fork
First comes shock and denial, as it just keeps rolling around the plate, inviting a game of cat and mouse. Except here, it's not a game, it's REAL LIFE.
Tag: Food
I’d Love to Get Eaten
If I got eaten, nobody would be sour on me anymore. They’d use words like “valiant” to describe my life and valiant death.
The Rise of the Coffee Machines
The company manual has everything from an optimistic “Career Progression” to shrug-worthy “Credit Card, Corporate” but nothinganything under “Coffee Machine, Operating Safely.”
Steve Bannon’s Deconstructed Chicken Pot Pie Recipe
It takes 35 minutes to prepare but deconstructs the dinner party in mere seconds, allowing you to restore the cultural and economic sanctity of your home forever.
A Shit So Big You Need to Call Your Mom
We’ve all been there, sitting on the toilet, ass bleeding, thinking, “Why me? What the hell did I do/eat to deserve this?”
Transition of “Chad’s Bikini Bar and Grill” to “Chad’s Family Bar and Grill”
After 30 great years, we’ve decided to scale back our breastaurant theme and make the transition to one of a more family-friendly restaurant.
Drunk Beer Reviews from a Happy Drunk
Strap in for a brews cruise around the world, from that guy who drinks a lot and probably knows stuff. Probably. Ehh, either way.
Top 6 Freakiest Vegetable/Celebrity Doppelgangers
In 2016, Susan Sarandon endorsed Jill Stein for President. Jill Stein is a member of the Green Party. You know what else is green? Arugula.
How to Know If the Food in Your Fridge Has Actually Gone Bad
Next time you hesitate to eat that potentially tasty piece of somethin in your fridge, consider these tips to know if it's about to mutate into a living being.
Just Because I Hallucinated While Serving You Chinese Mall Food Doesn’t Make You Better Than Me
The moment you mispronounced "Szechuan chicken," all of reality froze as if someone had hit the pause button on existence.
The Things I’d Eat for Love
I’m an adventurous soul who is unafraid to eat things - terrible, weird things - in order to prove my affections for a potential suitor.
6 Recipes to Land Some Potluck Peen
Single this holiday season? Feeling lonely beside your no-bake marshmallow casserole at the last friendsgiving? Peep these recipes!