Low and Slow Occupy Chili
This morning I set out to reinvent the concept of chili. I went to the grocery store without a map, because recipes are for cowards, and cooking is an act of violent creation.
Tag: Food
Three Shitty Products Masquerading as Food
When I think of food, I don't think of a rectangular chunk that looks like a gargoyle with a square asshole shit it out. Or a meal that looks like a bunch of scabs swimming in a puddle of whale semen.
Salads by Kevin
Dive into innovative and edible salads like The Kevin (lettuce show you how), or spend the night with Kevin Once Stayed at the Waldorf Salad (expensive).
The Twisty-Pop® Popcorn Maker Secrets to Great Popcorn
Your new Twisty-Pop® stove-top popcorn maker pops superior popcorn. Before you start popping, take a moment to try the leading microwaveable brand. Not going to do it, are you?
The Burger Kingdom is Your Destiny
Ready for the fast-paced exciting world of fast food? Burger king is looking for new talent! Fill out this application to get started right away!
Restaurants are People, Too
A realistic assessment of you, the asshole customer, from the perspective of the most under-appreciated people in a restaurant, the kitchen staff.
Half Cuban, 100% White
I'm a halfie: my mother is Cuban and my father is American. I'm not brown, I'm not white… I'm fucking khaki. And it sucks. Here's why.
Why I Always Cook Dinner on Christmas
It's nice to save my mom the work and let her relax on Christmas, but really, that's just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the benefits of manning the kitchen.
How to Be the Worst Drive-Thru Customer Ever
I make minimum wage at a dead end job. Part of my job includes interacting with you. This means my job fucking sucks. Here's how you can make it worse.
A Letter Regarding My Service at the Happy Valley Restaurant cum Carvery
Dear Sirs, it is only on hindsight that I am truly able to appreciate my server Nigel's innovative style, which others felt made him a 'cheeky bastard.'
Marcus vs. the KFC Double Down
Colonel Sanders learns the hard way that you never play chicken with a sandwich unless you're willing to eat it in the end.
The Ten Fattest States in the Union (And the Foods That Got Them There)
<p><img src="/files/u2/junk-food-platter.jpg" alt="Junk food platter" hspace="5" vspace="5" width="200" height="257" align="right" />Back when I first started writing for this site there were no iPhones, New Orleans had never been destroyed, and PIC Fearless Leader Court Sullivan had the same haircut he has today.