An Orangutan’s Review of the Restaurant He Just Broke Into
It had just recently opened the moment I turned the corner, as I have no object permanence.
Tag: Food
Yelp Reviews of My Toddler’s Restaurant
Having never been to a mandatory restaurant before, I wasn’t sure what to expect, but Marshall-Chase-Spiderman-Sit-Down-Now was delightful!
Similarities Between Turnips and Bob
- Both fell off trucks at one point. - Neither speaks French.
Unbiased Yelp Review That Has Nothing to Do With the Fact the Restaurant Wouldn’t Accommodate My Sloth
The restaurant would tell you that a lot of my experiences were colored by my sloth, but I disagree. This could happen to anyone, even the slothless.
You’ve Barely Touched Your Mid-Heist Carrot Sticks and Hummus
I didn’t help break into the Banco de España to see these delicious snacks I’ve generously prepared go to waste.
We’re Offering 10 Percent Off If This Golden Corral Turns into a Food Fight Warzone
If you find yourself eating our classic pot roast and one of our comfortable and sturdy chairs flies by your head, please do not be alarmed.
8-Year-Olds Declare Their Independence from Eating Vegetables
The history of the present Control by mom and dad is a history of repeated standoffs in the kitchen and plates that have too many colors.
I McThink There Was McSomething in That McChicken
Oh McNo. I’m not McFeeling so McWell. My McVision is all McBlurred and I have a McPain in my McAbdomen.
Guac: The Expense Tracking App for Buying More Guacamole
No more acting like you don’t want guacamole or pretending that if you get guacamole, it’ll make you too full.
I’m Pleased to Announce That This Party Has Been Canceled
Having many strangers come to my home was a poorly thought-out concept, and adding alcohol to the mix surely would have created hellfire.
We Do Not Sit Young Families Under Hulk’s Penis
Some things just can’t be fixed with free waffle fries.
We Are Mushrooms and We Demand Your Respect
Pomegranates? The fruit of the elite. They hold onto their seeds like "La La Land" tried to hold onto the Oscar in 2017.