We’re Offering 10 Percent Off If This Golden Corral Turns into a Food Fight Warzone
If you find yourself eating our classic pot roast and one of our comfortable and sturdy chairs flies by your head, please do not be alarmed.
Tag: Food
8-Year-Olds Declare Their Independence from Eating Vegetables
The history of the present Control by mom and dad is a history of repeated standoffs in the kitchen and plates that have too many colors.
I McThink There Was McSomething in That McChicken
Oh McNo. I’m not McFeeling so McWell. My McVision is all McBlurred and I have a McPain in my McAbdomen.
Guac: The Expense Tracking App for Buying More Guacamole
No more acting like you don’t want guacamole or pretending that if you get guacamole, it’ll make you too full.
I’m Pleased to Announce That This Party Has Been Canceled
Having many strangers come to my home was a poorly thought-out concept, and adding alcohol to the mix surely would have created hellfire.
We Do Not Sit Young Families Under Hulk’s Penis
Some things just can’t be fixed with free waffle fries.
We Are Mushrooms and We Demand Your Respect
Pomegranates? The fruit of the elite. They hold onto their seeds like "La La Land" tried to hold onto the Oscar in 2017.
How About Leaving Some Milk and Cookies Out for Me, the Easter Bunny?
It's me, the least popular character to break into your home and leave stuff in the name of celebration. Let me lay it out for you.
Are You at a Passover Seder or Taking an Online Personality Quiz?
Contains only four questions of actual importance.
Aphorisms from the Notebook of a Guy Who Is Really into Cured Meats
The journey of a thousand ham slices begins with a single cut of the deli slicer.
Cancel Culture Is This Jar of Pickles I Can’t Open
Cancel culture is holding back the next Great American Novel, groundbreaking works of political theory, and my Wednesday afternoon lunch.
I Am the Wooden Board at That Gourmet Burger Restaurant, Here to Remind You That You Only Make $10 an Hour
You only made $200 this week, yet you STILL let your friends drag you here?