I’m Arctic Shipwreck Survivor Stranded with an Annoying Show-off Asshole
During my second dinner, Francis told me that we needed to “ration our food better.” I was so taken aback by this.
Tag: Food
Secret Menu from the Long John Silver’s Next to an Apartment That Sells Adderall
The "Definitely Not Adderall" Meal ($54.99): A taco shell with six tablets of Adderall in it.
Farm to Table. Table to Fork. Fork to Mouth. Food to Throat. Air to Throat. Hands to Chest. Hands to Chest. Hands to Chest.
Car to driveway. Food to house. Hour to hour. Day to day. Week to week. Month to month. Smell to food. Food to dumpster and so on.
I’m the Actor Who Plays Chester Cheetah and I’m Tired of Being Type Cast as a Cheesy Snack-Food Obsessed Cool Dude
While I despised the overacting required for cartoonish behavior, I was a professional and delivered the performance asked of me.
Gordon Ramsay Reviews Your Valentine’s Day Date
I suppose oysters are a noted aphrodisiac, but even those could never overpower the terrifying sight of your lover’s haircut.
Please Take Notice: If You Ordered an IHOP Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity Breakfast between March 14, 2016 and August 4, 2017, You May Be Entitled to Compensation
If you ate all that, we’re astonished you are alive to read this notice. Your arteries must be as hard as bricks.
Perfect Songs for 12 Scenarios When You’re Shaving Parmesan over a Plate of Fettuccine Alfredo and Waiting for the Patron to Say “When”
When it’s clear the patron isn’t saying “when” anytime soon and your mind starts to wander.
I Found My Soulmate, and He’s an Instant Pot
The Instant Pot is everything you want in a partner: dependable, easy to understand, warm, generous, creative, talented, and great in the kitchen!
Suggestions from the Suggestion Box at My Teppanyaki Restaurant Where I Make All the Food with My Bare Hands
Posting signage around the restaurant that says, “We Pinky Promise We Washed Our Hands Before Returning To Work,” is not comforting.
Mice Review My Kitchen from Grad School
If you’re used to other eateries in the area, you might be surprised by the cold, but we didn’t mind cuddling up.
I’m Bob from the Bob’s Red Mill Grain Bags, and I Want to Inhale a Family-Size Bag of Flamin’ Hot Fucking Cheetos
Have you ever fucking had a Flamin’ Hot Cheeto? Multiply that by fucking 800 and you’ll get an inkling about what the goddamn fuck I’m getting at.
Doritos’ “Bold Togetherness” Pitch to Rebrand the CDC
Doritos, we’re nothing but consistent. Doritos are always crunchy. We never give conflicting guidance on how to enjoy Doritos.