Are You at a Passover Seder or Taking an Online Personality Quiz?
Contains only four questions of actual importance.
Tag: Food
Aphorisms from the Notebook of a Guy Who Is Really into Cured Meats
The journey of a thousand ham slices begins with a single cut of the deli slicer.
Cancel Culture Is This Jar of Pickles I Can’t Open
Cancel culture is holding back the next Great American Novel, groundbreaking works of political theory, and my Wednesday afternoon lunch.
I Am the Wooden Board at That Gourmet Burger Restaurant, Here to Remind You That You Only Make $10 an Hour
You only made $200 this week, yet you STILL let your friends drag you here?
I’m Arctic Shipwreck Survivor Stranded with an Annoying Show-off Asshole
During my second dinner, Francis told me that we needed to “ration our food better.” I was so taken aback by this.
Secret Menu from the Long John Silver’s Next to an Apartment That Sells Adderall
The "Definitely Not Adderall" Meal ($54.99): A taco shell with six tablets of Adderall in it.
Farm to Table. Table to Fork. Fork to Mouth. Food to Throat. Air to Throat. Hands to Chest. Hands to Chest. Hands to Chest.
Car to driveway. Food to house. Hour to hour. Day to day. Week to week. Month to month. Smell to food. Food to dumpster and so on.
I’m the Actor Who Plays Chester Cheetah and I’m Tired of Being Type Cast as a Cheesy Snack-Food Obsessed Cool Dude
While I despised the overacting required for cartoonish behavior, I was a professional and delivered the performance asked of me.
Gordon Ramsay Reviews Your Valentine’s Day Date
I suppose oysters are a noted aphrodisiac, but even those could never overpower the terrifying sight of your lover’s haircut.
Please Take Notice: If You Ordered an IHOP Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity Breakfast between March 14, 2016 and August 4, 2017, You May Be Entitled to Compensation
If you ate all that, we’re astonished you are alive to read this notice. Your arteries must be as hard as bricks.
Perfect Songs for 12 Scenarios When You’re Shaving Parmesan over a Plate of Fettuccine Alfredo and Waiting for the Patron to Say “When”
When it’s clear the patron isn’t saying “when” anytime soon and your mind starts to wander.
I Found My Soulmate, and He’s an Instant Pot
The Instant Pot is everything you want in a partner: dependable, easy to understand, warm, generous, creative, talented, and great in the kitchen!