I Am Your Houseplant and I Am Begging You to Leave Me Alone
For the last time, put the shears down and get a hobby already. Calligraphy. Magic. Something that doesn't involve innocent living things.
For the last time, put the shears down and get a hobby already. Calligraphy. Magic. Something that doesn't involve innocent living things.
Phone ringer volume must be all the way down, so no one is distracted by a late call from Justin H. Each of us must be into our third Moscow Mule.
“Do you think this mole is changing colour?” So you didn’t come to the last meeting. The thing is that I’m really starting to worry about my health.
“You have the right to remain sexy, no matter how indeterminately older you are than your circle of close friends.” It’s just a number, people!
My figure has been reduced to that of a motel pillow and my once royal blue color has deteriorated to a baby blue at best.
Ordemazão (Brazilian Portuguese) - Ordering a week's worth of pad see ew from the local Thai restaurant in order to meet their delivery minimum.
I won’t shame you, it’s not my place. No, my place is to be an evolutionary step above paper. My role is to technically be food.
SWYTCH? ZOOTAXY? FROUZY? You don't think we can tell? Oh, we can tell.
But I’m gonna lie to y’al' so’s y’all have an excuse to sit a spell with me at this here combination A&W-Long John Silver’s-Exxon gas station.
Coffee shops: “Ugh, I know it’s overpriced, but it’s my guilty pleasure!” is now what I say when I buy healthcare.
5. You ever just sit and think about how you talk too much? 6. Be someone’s reason for not committing murder today.
Looking like the way a six-year-old might try to draw a sports car? Quirky! The sound system that consisted of maybe two buttons total? Great