Dispatches from the Media Relations Desk of the Terran Starship Expedient
We can reassure our Cres’Nan allies that incidences of uncontrolled mutation are unrelated to our activities and are probably completely coincidental.
Tag: Friends
Enough Is Enough: My Son Wanted to Burn a Wooden Effigy in My Likeness While Reciting Satanic Incantations, So I Told Him to Please Take It Outside
The 2 things I love most are corduroys with ridges so deep that you can slide a can of Coors Light in there, and making sure my son thinks I’m cool.
Phrases I’ve Heard from People I’ve Never Seen Again
Text me your name, so I have it in my phone! / How long have you been in New York? We have to get together!
All Hail Aegeus II, the New Vermin Overlord of What Used to Be My Apartment
Long Live Supreme Leader Aegeus! May your light forever shine over your kingdom that is this fifth-floor walk up!
Questions You, My Spouse, Are Likely to Have about My Brave Decision to Start a Podcast
"For real, what will it cost?" Well, it's not a cost per se, but there is will be a very small upfront investment… just to start.
An Open Letter to the CDC about the Coronavirus Which Is Spreading in My Office, I’m Just Sure of It
He says he got a "nasty case of sunburn" from his "trip to Hawaii," but I'm no idiot. I can tell that he too is suffering from coronavirus
A Tale of Two Sisters with the Same Damn Taste in Men
Some evil Freudian wiring has kept my sister and I at the mercy of the same celebrities and, even worse, absolute hunks in our daily lives.
Guess What, Survivors of the Viral Apocalypse? My Paper Mask Worked!
And who is left? Just us free-thinking, illogical, hypochondriacs, doomsday preppers, and Hulk lady. So, I'm just gonna go there : I told you so!
A Statement from One of the Tennis Balls on Harvey Weinstein’s Walker
Well, there was a court in my future, just not the one I had in mind.
How to Properly Care for Your Newly Adopted Introvert
Bring your Introvert upwards of 50 books per week, as It will devour them. Often, this species builds small huts or thrones with these books.
Signs That Your Kid Is Watching Other People’s Kids Do Drugs
Kids need to vent, and it’s likely a normal, natural response to having watched some other parent’s kid do drugs.
An Intervention from Your Rescue Dog
Did you pick me up in a Subaru Outback? Full of NPR tote bags? I’m still a wild animal. And not the kind that’s gonna stop you from having a seizure.