I Got into CrossFit but I Already Told Everyone I Know—Should I Quit?
The confirmation page for my gym hadn’t even loaded before I put out a group text to my closest friends telling them that I was a CrossFit guy now.
Tag: Friends
How to Photoshop Yourself Dummy Thicc with Bob Ross
Wow. If you’ve photoshopped with me before, you know I like big ol’ tushies. And, there he is. That’s a big ol’ tush.
Just Thought We Should Catch Up! And Maybe See if You’re Satisfied with Your Current Financial Advisor
Been married a couple of times---but don't worry, I'm a free man again! And I guess the main thing is that I started working at Odysseus Financial.
6 Worst Places for Your Wife to Remind You She Is Leaving to Be in a Polyamorous Relationship with the Pep Boys
The process of picking one menu item reminded your wife of how she did not have to pick just one Pep Boy, since they are all polyamorous.
Please Hire Me to Be Your Gatsby Party’s Nick Carraway
In a corner with a martini covering 75% of my face, I can weave an intricate tapestry of all the backroom drama unfolding behind closed doors.
Royalty-Free Podcasts So You Don’t Have to Hear Another Quip Ad
Celebrity Talking Over Celebrity: For those of you wondering, what’s that actor from that movie doing these days? Well… it’s this!
“Today I Am a Woman” by Brittany Katz, Capo De Tutti Capi of the Larchmont Middle School District
I've informed the top girls in junior high and below that you can speak for me in all but the most sensitive matters. Welcome to the big show, ladies
From the Spider on Your Dashboard, with Love
At first, I was frightened of you, unsure of your intentions, and your driving style did nothing to calm me.
My Family Calls Him “Old-Fashioned,” But I Just Call My Uncle “Racist”
I have lived my entire adult life as if I were born in 1813 England as a gentlemanly Port Warden. And yet my uncle is the one called “old-fashioned.”
Mindfulness Tips for Surviving Your Friend’s Harry Potter-Themed Improv Set
Practice Compassion: Driving to the show, it’s easy to ruminate on every mistake that led to watching improv on Sunday at 3 PM. Forgive yourself.
Things I’ve Said During Anal Sex That Are Also Comments I’ve Received on My Workshop Submission
I feel like you're not fully inhabiting the space here. / This does absolutely nothing for me. / Wait, it's not over yet?
Dear Families That Share Holiday Letters
I noticed that you already posted those vacation photos online, but the evidence of just how wealthy your family is magneted to my fridge is a treat!