Friends | Page 19 | Points in Case

Tag: Friends

Heat almond milk to a tepid temperature. Look around your little get together and remind guests that it is 9:01 PM on Saturday and it’s getting late.

Instead of buying a latte, deposit $5,000 in an IRA. Do that every single day and within less than a year you’ll have nearly a million dollars!

Consider adding custom lace and sequins suggestive of gills and scales. Guests will soon forget the piles of rotting fish heaped on the shoreline.

I am also sorry for not leaving when you all walked in, immediately noticed me, and asked me to leave. That was wrong, and I am sorry.

Dear Stable Genius, do reach out to this Nancy. A handwritten note of apology on stationery is a lovely gesture that will surely smooth things over.

I wanted to send an official cease and desist but my lawyer melted in 2016 so now I have to speak for myself.

The first thing you will notice is that there are a lot of sober people at grocery stores. Can they tell you’re stoned?

Quitticisim (kwit-??siz?m): The paralyzing decision to either delete or refresh Twitter every thirty seconds.

It's not that I’m afraid of commitment—I just don’t want to start something that’s not right for me.

I cannot forgive you for making me spend what would have been my final year at Hogwarts shitting in the woods.

Delete all the photos on your social media that indicate you ever had a life before children. Replace them with a solid wall of photos of your kids.

Minilla plods off, leaving Monster Island by himself. Godzilla chokes back his atomic ray as he remembers the first time he laid eyes on him.