Death Stars Must Be Legalized for Private Ownership
My name is Krazzed Dumm'fuk, proud member of the Galactic Blaster Rifle Association. We must fight to lift the ban on private Death Star ownership.
Tag: Friends
Hi, This is Jimmy from Wikipedia and I’m Writing to Ask, One Last Time: Please Consider Paying Me Back for Your Portion of Last Sunday’s Brunch
Here's an incredible statistic: if 100% of people at the brunch paid me back right now, you would never have to hear from me again.
I’m an Introvert, Which I’ll Now Talk About for Three Hours
No one truly understands the introvert. That needs to change, and that change will begin with an uninvited three-hour conversation.
4 Reasons You Will Fall Asleep During Sex in Your 20’s
Rejecting the opportunity to Google duck penises all night on the internet just to have sex with someone is a slap in the face to Bill Gates.
Is Your “Improv Team” Actually an Alt-Right Men’s Group?
Does your "improv team" go by a cute-ish, possibly pun-based name like "Nutz and Boltz," "Bad Uncle Jimmy," or "The Proud Boys"?
How to Survive a Midlife Crisis
Are you having a midlife crisis? If so, just relax, take a deep breath, and use this list of positive strategies to help you get through it.
The Undeserved Reputation of the Hostile Philadelphia Eagles Fan
Here I stand, a proud Giants fan in Veterans Stadium prepared to be spit and spilled on at every turn, proclaiming that Eagles fans have gotten a bad rap.
I’m Sorry for Ruining the Big Fishing Trip
I'm sorry I kept going to the helm and telling the Captain, "I'm the Captain now." However, if everyone had backed up my mutiny, the trip would have been fine.
4 Glowing Reviews of My Grad School Basement Apartment
There's nothing like coming home at the end of the day to a tiny, dingy $800-a-month basement apartment to remind you that your dreams are a sham.
8 Times I Regret Wearing Jean Shorts Instead of Dress Pants
Before you jump down my throat about how I obviously shouldn't have worn jorts to a job interview, it was at a company that SOLD JEAN SHORTS.
5 Signs Your Subpar Boyfriend is a Total Keeper
Dealbreakers are for spinsters and women who don't shave their armpits. Take what you can get now or die alone.
How to Be a Man in the Modern Age
Today's definition of masculinity has been warped. We men need to to get in touch with our manhood, and you better be prepared to cry and then go stone cold about it.