I Am the Wooden Board at That Gourmet Burger Restaurant, Here to Remind You That You Only Make $10 an Hour
You only made $200 this week, yet you STILL let your friends drag you here?
Tag: Friends
Hey, Do You Have an ETA Yet?
If you were one character from Lord of the Rings, who would you be? I’d be Gandalf because, like he says, “a wizard is never late,” lol.
Gifts from a Childhood Friend That Hint at Long Simmering Resentments
A hammock. Hanna, you know a hammock is a death trap because you laughed hysterically when I fell out of one in 7th grade at Trevor’s birthday party.
I Give In: I Would like to Purchase Some of Your Incredible Essential Oils
I am so tired. So worn down. I don't want to fight this anymore. Please. Send me a bottle of Lavender Serenity, because it's time to give in.
Our Friendship Has Been One Long, Intricate Plot to Get You to Subscribe to My Newsletter
I met you at a time of great need in my life. That need? More readers for my newsletter where I rank pizza shops based on taste, texture, and sauce ratio.
Old Friend, We Sure Have Made Something of Ourselves
You with your magnificent house you built yourself, two young healthy children, and a partner who loves you for who you are, and me with my podcast.
How to Install a New Air Conditioner Without Going to Prison for Involuntary Manslaughter
As long as one person is really big and the other person is kind of wirey, you can replace an air conditioner.
My Friend’s Dog Is Actually Super Awkward to Hang with When My Friend Isn’t Around
I swear this dog knows every command except "speak?" I'm always carrying the conversation!
I’d Love to Join Your Book Club on the Following Conditions
When it’s my turn to choose the book and I pick a trashy romance novel, no members can audibly sigh or give off any sense of smug superiority.
More Accurate Descriptions of Your Facebook “Friends”
- Your uncle’s third ex-wife. - Bullies from the 7th grade whom you like to keep tabs on just in case.
I’m an Aesthetically-Pleasing Instagram Graphic about Social Justice, and I’m Here to Do Absolutely Nothing
I’m a hip font on an eye-catching background. I’m a cake that says "end white supremacy." I’m a black square.
This Is PayPal, Informing You That Your Account May Be Compromised
Have you been getting some emails that seem Phishy? This is PayPal, btw. The real PayPal. How can you know? You’ll get a gut feeling inside.