Friends | Page 9 | Points in Case

Tag: Friends

As soon as I step away from my phone for two minutes, I come back to 8,700 unread messages. There’s no way I can keep up with it.

If you need big words to have fun, or are using five or six big words before breakfast, then you might have a problem.

You’re reaching out to the wrong people. You’re not best friends with that guy you met performing in a community theater rendition of Kinky Boots.

It’s been proven time and time again that this country thrives when we reach across the aisle, civilly shake hands, and give our wives their space.

The theme of my Bar Mitzvah is “Lying awake at night, your face slick with sweat, drowning in a pool of your own despair.”

As an Aries, boundaries are non-existent to me. I love to share. (I shared private medical details about you with four strangers on a bus.)

Jess was always really happy. It’s just that she was usually too sad to show it. And I should know, as her best friend since fourth grade.

Subscription to the Nonrefundable Security Deposit Wine of the Month Club – Let them drown their sorrows with Funk Band Bordeaux or Bouquet of Rosé.

Did you know a stroke of lightning lasts roughly 30 microseconds? DID YOU?! What if I hadn’t hit the cable at the right microsecond, Doc?

Let whiskey cook slowly until boil. Add reckless spoonfuls of cinnamon until brown haze floats over liquid like a haunted fart.

Harrison has devoted the majority of his campaign to securing a beach-themed winter dance, prompted by his older brother's copy of Girls Gone Wild.

Anyways, the uncapped Sharpie is getting me high, so I need to make this quick.