7 MORE Things Your Guidance Counselor Isn’t Going to Tell You in High School
Your high school guidance counselor forgot to tell you that you are not special. Actually, you ARE special, but in all the wrong ways.
Tag: Future
How to Helicopter Parent for the 1% Under the New Tax Bill
Strap your child in tight: no one wants to be jostled in the helicopter mid-air, even if it's a short ride from the Upper East Side to the Hamptons.
A Prolific “Perfect Strangers” Fan Fiction Writer Seduces a Woman at a Party
No, I'm not sure when my episodes will be aired. Like I said, you won't be able to watch any until they're filmed. Show business, am I right?
Parents Need Better Access to Affordable Child Pageants
Expensive these days, having kids and taking care of them. It's hard for parents out there without easy access to affordable child pageants.
Traveling Back in Time and Making It So I Was Never Born Has Put a Serious Strain on My Marriage
In my quest to pitch "The King of Queens" a year before Kevin James could, I accidentally interrupted my parents' first date, thus ruining my marriage.
Opening Statement from Congressional Conservatives Following Historic Tax Bill Approval
Good afternoon, America! We've recently learned that humor is the best way to break bad news. Good thing the new tax bill is great news!
The Donald J. Trump Presidential Library Yacht Puts All Others to Shame
More visitors than Reagan's! Fewer tears than Kennedy's! Less graffiti than Bush's! The Donald J. Trump Presidential library is legit on fleet.
Death Stars Must Be Legalized for Private Ownership
My name is Krazzed Dumm'fuk, proud member of the Galactic Blaster Rifle Association. We must fight to lift the ban on private Death Star ownership.
30-Point NYC Subway Improvement Plan
As part of white collar drug treatment program, baristas serve liquid methadone lattes on G train. Every other Thursday, system-wide Backwards Day.
Hi, This is Jimmy from Wikipedia and I’m Writing to Ask, One Last Time: Please Consider Paying Me Back for Your Portion of Last Sunday’s Brunch
Here's an incredible statistic: if 100% of people at the brunch paid me back right now, you would never have to hear from me again.
The New York Times Reports That a Meteor Will Destroy Earth in Two Days—Don’t Believe It
According to the NYT, scientists predict that a 30-mile-wide meteor is hurtling toward Earth and will destroy all life in two days. Here's why you should be skeptical.
How to Survive a Midlife Crisis
Are you having a midlife crisis? If so, just relax, take a deep breath, and use this list of positive strategies to help you get through it.