God | Page 17 | Points in Case

Tag: God

Supposedly, the journey to the after-life is long. And so, I’ll need my grill and some prime-ass steaks for the long ride.

Please, I'm begging you to let me hold those knobs in my hands. I want to hear the sound of that little soccer ball dropping onto the table.

Like Andre Agassi’s mullet, I shall never be replicated. Like Stan Smith’s Stan Smiths, I am immortal.

A lot of people will call into question whether or not attacking robots in a theme restaurant can be considered a sport.

Yes, to the gentleman in the back who just loudly questioned if Bernie is really dead, I assure you he is. This is his funeral. I’m sorry.

“Show Me the Money!” I kept shouting this because I thought it was pretty funny (I mean, we were in the casino and I was trying to win the big bucks)

Wooden coffee stirrer, remember when Straw convinced you that the barista went through 45 toothpicks a day? The look on your face! God, he was fun.

While a Nathan Hale could die but once, I, Wayne LaPierre, must oversee a daily sacrifice nearly five score that many Americans from gun violence.

One time I was forced to watch my snail body get boiled, made into a ceviche soup, and served to a family of blondes on their backyard tennis court.

"You'll come following me in the jingle jangle morning," will you? You're going to stalk me? Is that a threat?

Maybe I’ll save a kid from drowning by jumping from a bridge. A local hero, on the news...wait, no one under 70 watches the news: trend on Twitter.

But now I realize that’s actually a stupid plan and I have a new, better one: keep King Teti in this Earthly realm and also make him my boyfriend.