God | Page 9 | Points in Case

Tag: God

If you’ve timed it right, you will be dead before you hit the floor. Your death will look like that of a hero defending the store from a shoplifter.

3:40 PM: It’s fine. I’M FINE. I’ll find a partner someday. This is worth it. A few moments of pain, 10 years of no child-birth. That’s the trade-off.

I was a philosophy major. I can’t say my studies haven’t served me well in my current line of work as the beachball tossed at corporate sales events.

Gaze upon the glory of my cover of “Seven Nation Army.” Observe the light of my own original songs, which sound exactly like “Seven Nation Army.”

There we are, four feet peeking out, intimating that our other body parts are currently engaged in some very exciting and hidden sexual activity.

I am a man. A normal man with normal needs. Do the whole "walk-a-mile-in-my-shoes" thing. There’s no elbow room here. No privacy.

"We have orders from the city to remove that thing from your property. Effective immediately.” He pointed toward the Inflatable Wacky Tube Man.

This salad only has three ingredients: carrots, mayonnaise, and American elbow grease.

Critics and moviegoers alike were enamored by Amy Adams’s "Arrival," but Amy should be fearing my arrival should she agree to face off arm vs. arm.

It was now blindingly obvious that this convergence of Keanu was more than just happenstance.

The purpose of the chair is to hold the Butt. This has been the truth for eons, before you were born and before I was purchased from the local IKEA.

For years you’ve trusted me as the man/peanut hybrid from uncertain origins who loved one thing and one thing alone: selling Planter’s Peanuts.