Why Our New Ad Campaign Only Targets Reptilian-Human Hybrids
The government began funding the reptilian-human-hybrid breeding program in the late 1940s. The perfect age to discover the wonders of retirement living.
Tag: Guides
A List of Apologies to Establishments from Which I Have Been Banned
Winkler Field in Saratoga: I’m sorry I repeatedly yelled, “I want that kid checked for steroids, he’s a steroid junkie” after a player hit a double.
9 Amazing Vacation Destinations to Check Your Work Email
Pro tip: bring a parasol to reduce the glare on your laptop screen when you’re checking Outlook for five minutes, just one more email, OK babe?
The Top 10 Numbers from 0 to 9
Seven puts an end to the question, “Can a number outstay its welcome?” with a resounding, eye-rolling yes.
How to Parallel Park While Barely Clinging to Your Masculinity
Would you look at that… So typical of a Lexus to take up as much room as humanly possible. Total road hog.
12 Moments You Thought You Could Forget, but Your Phone’s Photo “Memories” Function Won’t Let You
That time you got your first martini at the airport and took a pic for the group chat before tasting it and realizing you hate martinis.
Immersive Artist Experiences Other than Van Gogh
Monet: You’re admiring the haystacks painted on the walls when suddenly the room fills with pastel-tinted water.
So You Ignored the Warnings of That Dystopian Novel
Take some deep breaths and be mindful that there are several levels to the destruction you have wrought upon the one livable place we humans are aware of.
Introducing the Sam Super Loyalty Card
So wait, I can’t meet with you/speak to you/copulate with you without a loyalty card? Unfortunately not!
Ranking the Summer Lineup from Craigslist’s New Streaming Service
"Writing Gigs" -- A real tearjerker of a drama that takes place entirely during a job interview that turns out to be for freelance work.
Frequently Asked Questions About Our Fragile Democracy
What does democracy look like? This is what democracy looks like: it’s kind of pear-shaped.
U.S. Presidents Order at Starbucks
Ulysses S. Grant: A cup of whole beans--Starbucks Christmas Blend--to eat raw as he squashes his enemies.