Mind Your Dots: A Public Service Announcement on the Responsible Use of Ellipses
According to the Society for Appropriate Punctuation, the global supply of ellipses reached critically low levels during the last quarter of 2021.
Tag: Guides
Fine Wines Inspired by the Stains on My Couch
The urinary mishaps of three potty-training boys mingle to deliver this temporally complex white.
Bullshit Candle Scents We’d Still Buy
Take a deep breath, relax, and let the current of "Ocean River Stream" carry you to notes of Mediterranean sex butter and unwashed ambrosia.
How to Meet Someone Without the Apps
Discover a New Type of Bug: When you’re talking about the bug on National Geographic, make a joke about how you’re single.
An Encyclopedia of Uncles
Barnuncle: A barnacle uncle. Commonly moves around by clinging to the bottom of ships.
Metallica’s Clue and Other Metal Board Games
Iron Maiden’s Trivial Pursuit: All questions pertain to the band’s twelve-minute songs which sum up a book you were supposed to read in school but didn’t.
A Victim’s Guide to Summertime Water Safety
They must be swimming in one of the Great Lakes. This guide does NOT apply to the lesser Finger Lakes.
Quarterback Audibles Around the In-Laws
How can someone from Nebraska not want to talk about football, like, at all?
A Guide to Avoid Being Mugged for Dummies
Keep all your pockets slick with oil. You can humiliate them further by saying, "What's the matter bud? Can't get a grip?"
Young Wives’ Tales
If you break up with a man, you'll get a text message. If you break up with a woman, you'll get an Edible Arrangement and a Babeland gift card.
Translation Guide for Our Company’s Return Policy
"Print out a prepaid shipping label." We’re aware there’s no logical reason for a partly-employed 24-year-old to have a printer.
Guy Who’s Been Going to the Gym for One Week Answers Your Questions
How do I use this machine for exercise? Just sit back and push up on the sad branches/robot arms, letting the weight fall back down with a loud SLAM.